I am the Anti-Pilates

Let's just be honest. Okay? If I go long enough without looking in the mirror I completely forget that I don't look like Jennifer Aniston. I like forgetting that fact. I'm okay with looking like me especially since I feel pretty damn good. So why, why on earth do I continue to torture myself in pilates?

Is there ever a good reason to join in on an exercise class that:

1. requires you to wear tight fitting clothes
2. is held in a room with floor to ceilings mirrors
3. requires you to breathe and exercise at the same time
4. uses jargon like "scoop it out"...as far as I'm concerned that's too close to another phrase
5. has you pretending to reach over an invisible ball...I want the real ball...I pay good money for this
6. is taught by someone who is of the Pilate gender...yes, Pilate is actually a third gender, you have to be born a pilate, you can't just decide that you want to dabble in it, or "choose" to be a little Pilate, you are either Pilate or not. When my instructor came out of the womb the doctor said, "congratulations, you have a little pilate".

So this is how it goes. I get to the gym...feelin pretty good. Do a little stair climb with Rockin D, hit some weights and then head over to meet my Lori (yes, she is my Lori and you can't have her) in Pilates. I go in, grab us some green little foamy mats and relax while I wait for the instructor.

Class starts out okay. But I start to feel like I shouldn't be doing moves that require an actual list to get into. I mean, if the instructor has to actually give you a to do list to get into a position, is this exercise or work? Hold on, let me ask my abs of hell-fire right now...yep, they think that not only did they get a work out but they are on strike and would like me to kick pilate instructor chick's booty for last night's class.

I get the whole core thing. Really I do. I'm with ya. I feel it. I'm embracing it. But sweet jesus can I at least try to enter into these moves without the mirrors in my face. Oh, and it would also help my self image if I wasn't surrounded by all the hottie moms with altered images if you know what I mean because my natural body doesn't reflect in those mirros like theirs do. I also don't have their cute little pilate outfits! Actually, who am I kidding, they look really good and I look completely ridiculous.

So while I do recognize that I am working muscles that I have forgotten even existed, I have to say that my body is not made for this. I was born to not do pilates. When I came out of the womb the doctor said, "congratulations, it's an anti-pilates."