Wednesday, February 25, 2009

My Unconventional Silver Linings

As the idiom goes, every cloud has a silver lining.

Until a couple years ago, the idiom had always reminded me to look for the bright side of things. There's always a bright side...isn't that what people say?

But during the last couple years I have learned some things about myself I never would have expected or known had I not endured many cloudy days. My silver linings are very unconventional and come in three forms...survival, effort and reward.

Often, there's not a "bright side" to my difficult moments in life and many time not even a "light at the end of the tunnel". Rather, I find that one of my silver lining presents itself through the process of merely surviving an unwelcome circumstance without losing myself in the process. I draw a compensation when I go through something difficult and am able to exercise control over my reactions, gauge my behavior, and respond to the situation with as much of my true self as I can. So while I may go through that cloudy day (week or month) without a common silver lining, what actually becomes my silver lining is the gratefulness I feel at being given the opportunity to grow up and out of a formidable and maybe even painful place and be better for it.

Sometimes my silver lining comes through the effort I put forth. I have been in and am currently in situations where I am receiving little to no personal satisfaction or good feeling. My effort put forth in these situations at times seems to yield nothing for me at all. I'm neither compensated, complimented nor noticed...rather I'm quite invisible. My efforts might be for nothing. Who knows? So my silver lining IS my effort...it is in the perfection at which I execute my effort, it is in the love I execute it with, and it is in the hope I have that my effort is being received and for good.

And lastly, my silver linings come like they did during a more recent cloudy day for me. When all is wrong, and nothing is right, and everything is stacked against me...it is at these moments when I most surprised by the silver lining that emerges as pure reward. As I sit here typing, I think of a specific situation...one that threw me off course, taking shots below the belt and exhausted the pleasantries right out of me. Initially, I wanted to knock someone out...I mean, come on, doesn't that thought ever enter your mind? Simply punching someone in the face? Okay, maybe not, but using the term "knock someone out" always makes me feel better when I say it, but I digress. Anyway, as I was saying, this little situation was determined to test my patience, resilience, tolerance, and goodness. But as I began to get over myself about it and I started to let the humor of the situation pussyfoot it's way in, I experienced the most amazing silver lining. Because this situation was a task beyond my capabilities due to time constraints, I engaged in the services of someone whom I never would have worked with had I been given more time and been able to do the task on my own. The opportunity to work with her was just a fluke. I knew nothing about her when we started and by the end of the night, I was thrilled with how much she had shared her life with me. And now all I can think of is that no matter how incredibly bad the day sucked and how much I would love to have had the day go my way, on my terms, and within my control, I would never give up what we shared together. I know what I am saying probably doesn't come out right...I mean, I'm being vague because I have to be. I can't share everything here. It's just that I can't help but think about how fortunate I was to be in such a circumstance to have to solicit the help of someone I never knew I would end up liking so much and someone that would bring pure joy to the hell I had to be in on that particular day. What she shared and the way she shared it made everything worth it and I wouldn't change it for anything!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Wild Times







On Friday night I went out with some of my best friends
to watch Jason Wilder play live. We had a great time.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Guilty Pleasures

It's been a long week. I take that back. It's been a really crazy long month. So today...ahhh...today...little kid was off playing with a friend and big kid was making up complicated origami magic tricks (yes, she does this in her spare time) so for the first time in a really long time I DID NOTHING!

I went to my bed in the middle of the day. I kid you not. I got underneath my covers. I looked over to hubby's nightstand and spotted a bag of chocolate so I got up and got it and went back to my side hoarding the bag. I turned on...wait for it...here it comes...I turned on THE TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY OF MARIO LOPEZ! And I totally watched the whole thing. Brain cells leaked from my head in mass exodus...I must have lost a trillion of them during the show. In fact, I think I lost them in exponential amounts every time they mentioned "saved by the bell" or said "dimples" ha ha It was a gluttonous afternoon! God it was beautiful. I must do this more often.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Stranger to Myself

Wow, has it really been weeks since I have written anything? I've been keeping tabs on you all through Facebook but gosh this blog has been neglected huh? Well here's the ebb and flow, the pros and cons of the past few weeks...

Getting paid, feeling needed, enjoying the challenge of my new job.
But working long hours, feeling tired, tad bit stressed.

Hubby is holding down fort, making me laugh off the stress, and I came home to a clean house the other day.
But, he's trying to talk me into another cat and he told me that he paid someone to clean my house (after taking credit and receiving my praise of course, ha ha)!!!

I pinched a nerve in my neck and have been in pain for a while...more than I am letting on.
But, my chiro gave me a full massage and I wasn't even expecting it and then gave me a fabulous adjustment and I am sooo very happy today.

I am going to see The Producers at the Boulder Dinner Theater with my friends Kulin and Peter.
But it is on a day that I have deadlines at work and will most likely have to work late and will be flying by the seat of my pants.

I am going to Run the Republic soon...56 flights of stairs!
But I have not trained a bit and it is going to kick my butt (but in a good way).

I am going to watch Jason perform live.
But not til the 20th.

I think I'm going to South Padre for Mother's Day.
But Mother's Day is sooooo far away!

My coffee maker broke.
But hubby went out and got me the consumer reports rated best model to replace it.

I got a new car. (used but knew to me)
But literally pulled the rear view mirror off the windshield on the first day. oops. ha ha

My good friend moved here from California.
But I haven't had time to see him.

Mentally and physically I feel fantastic.
But I think I've gained 5 pounds since starting my new job due to eating crappy.