Tuesday, April 29, 2008

A Couple Quickies...

Found this over at Comedy Central...feel free to make up your own caption!

Here's mine: "So, you say this was in a box marked WMD in the dumpster behind the White House?"

This has nothing to do with the caption but I felt like posting it anyway.
In the late 90s, Bill Geerhart, a pop-culture historian decided to pose as a 10 year old boy named Billy writing letters to some of the most powerful and infamous figures in the country. But my favorite of his letters are those written to convicted killers and politicians. To read Billy's letters and the responses he got click here Billy's Letters

Monday, April 28, 2008

Make No Mistake

I've recently been asked by two people "why do you enjoy running?"

My reply - "I don't really."

I don't really enjoy running or exercising at all for that matter. I run for these reasons:

1) I can, and someday I won't be able to
2) I like the way it feels when I stop
3) I'd rather be outside running than inside a gym
4) Sometimes I need to just run out my frustration
5) Endorphins are a mental and physical trip
6) Nature

Hey, maybe I do enjoy running. Nah... just ask my friend Francine...I complained the entire last 4 miles we ran together the other day. I think I said things like "can we stop now?", "I think I'm dying", "I can't make it any further", "this sucks"...and she just kept running and so I had to keep up with her.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Sweet and Innocent?

Not so fast...does your cat love toilet paper?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The Story

Tracing lives
Through lips from soul do tell
Behold their flow
Not only in one heart to dwell

Passed down
Planted in generations we sow
Each time they are told
Through stories shared as a family grows

©2008 – Michelle Hix

Saturday, April 19, 2008

That Will Teach Him To Mess With Me!

Here's a pic of the statues before I loaded them in my car.

We live at the end of a cul-de-sac. So to one side of our house is only a fence, no neighbors, and on the other side of the fence is just open space. Our house also backs to open space. Just shortly after midnight last night, our doorbell rings several times. Both hubby and I freak out a little because both of our kids are away at sleepovers and of course the first thing that comes to mind is "something's wrong". He runs downstairs and opens the door while I peek out the shades in the bedroom to see if there is a car in the driveway. No car. Hubby yells up to me "are you expecting any statues?" I go downstairs to find that someone has stolen 2 cement statues and a clay pot and placed them on my porch. I'm still shaking from having the crap scared out of me but I had to laugh.

I am however, quite amazed that whoever did this was capable of ringing, running and jumping the 6 foot fence as quickly as he did without me seeing him out the window. Especially since the fence is up a hill a bit and he has to run through rocks and bushes to jump it. How badly does this person want to trick me? Enough to risk getting hurt?

Okay, so ha ha funny, let's go back to sleep.

15 minutes later...

"door bell" "door bell" "door bell" "door bell"

Crap! Not again! This time we quickly look out the window, but nobody is there.

We go downstairs, no new statues, but I'm growing quite fond of the ones currently sitting on my porch.

This time, Hubby goes back to sleep....mwaaaaahahaha....but I don't!

I sit, with the window open, quietly watching. Holy cow, oh my goodness, oh crap, here he comes...I see his head...then his body slither over my fence...crap what do I do? He's very tall, wearing a hooded sweatshirt and it covers his face. Crap! He is frickin brave!!!!! and tall...

I ran downstairs as fast as I could, and all in one motion, swing open my front door lunging out on the porch and screaming at the top of my lungs at him right as he is knocking on my door. If the statues weren't in the way, I would have landed on him! He ran soooooo fast!!!!

I then went back in the house and fell over laughing...I was doubled over cracking up for about 10 minutes...can you just imagine this big guy being scared of me? Oh I am laughing right now just thinking about him. Hubby by the way, thinks I'm a little crazy.

Next time this happens though...I'm going to put some clothes on before I lunge out on the porch!

Friday, April 18, 2008

Intrahouse Calling

So, last night, I'm laying in bed flipping channels back and forth between South Park and the Travel Channel and I realize I have my cell phone next to me for some reason. This is odd because I rarely use my cell phone (just ask my friends who try to reach me). I'm just one of those "don't like to talk in public, always keep my phone on vibrate" kind of people." I never bug my husband at work, in fact probably only call him once ever three days...we don't do the "check in" thing like many couples I know, and he almost never bugs me at work...ha ha.

(doo-doo-doo) doo-doo-doo- doo-doo-doo-doo

That's me dialing up hubby in his office (in the basement)

Hubby: What are you doing?

Me: Watching the Travel Channel...What are you doing?

Hubby: Looking at Blue Prints, lot's to finish, I'll be down here a while...where are you?

Me: In bed

Hubby: Be there in five seconds

Me: Hey...this cell phone thing is kind of neat

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

#1 Mom Super Power? Ability to Forget That You Too, Must Be Fed

Tuesdays are somewhat crazy around here each week. We've not yet completed homework and we have swim team. After two hours of sitting in a humid building watching the girls wear themselves out dolphin style we shower, run to the car and head for the library. We always have books to return and there's this weird little voice in my head that says "must check out more" whenever I return books. Does it matter that they stack up on my front seat? Does it matter that I can't find my alarm clock some mornings because it is hidden under library books? Does it matter that we have books on stairs and books in bathrooms and books under couches? Apparently not, until the automated library lady calls me and says "This-is-the-Coll-ege-Hill-Li-brar-y-Call-ing"..."you-have-"6" books-o-ver-due"..."to-list-them-by-ti-tle, press-one". I'm trying to establish some plan of keeping the books on one level of the house or maybe contained to a section of the house or maybe making the kids wear them on their heads for good posture while not reading them so that we don't lose track of them. I'll let you know how that goes.

By the time we leave the library, it is quite late and everyone is in the .... "mooooom, I'm staaaarrrrving to death" mode. So in an effort to simplify my life, Tuesdays is also our eat out night. Let me define eat out. Eat out means we are running by King Soopers and picking up deli chicken to go. So this week, standing at the deli I am calculating how many pieces and which type of chicken and who wants what and so forth. I know, it's a tough job...bite me. When we get home I plop some "Chicken Not Made By Me" and side dishes onto plates (I bet you thought I made them eat it out of the bag huh?) and say "eat up"! My oldest daughter looks at me in confusion, which I don't notice because, well, everyone looks at me that way. "Mom"?, she says..."What are you going to eat?" Oops.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I Received Royal Mail Today!

All the way from the UK, Hayley sent me Milky Buttons! OMG! Creamy white chocolate to die for! I have one package left for the hubby...shhh...do you think he'll believe me if I say there was only three in the envelope? Thank you Hayley!

The Chicken, Er Rather the Flamingo, Has Flown the Coup!

I am going downtown for my last tattoo removal procedure today. My badass flamingo tattoo is now a faded memory. As I sat on the floor of my closet this morning thinking about what shorts to wear since it is going to be 78 glorious degrees in Colorado (what? You don’t do that too?), I had to laugh about something. Someone should tell kids that all the fun things you spend money on as a teenager you will someday spend money to undo. Vicious when that comes back to bite ya I tell ya!

Sunday, April 13, 2008


Have you seen it? I haven't. You know why? This is really silly. I've always wanted to see it. In fact, I own it. But I am holding out. I have this crazy idea that I'm supposed to watch it with someone who says "Casablanca is my favorite movie". Seriously! It's so much more fun to watch a movie that is someone's favorite movie. And I know, I know, I know I'm going to love this movie and I just keep holding out for the right time, place and person! So, do you think I should watch it by myself? Or keep holding out?

The Most Perfect Day

If you live in Colorado, you have to agree that today, April 13th 2008, was the most glorious day ever! In approximately 1/2 hour, the most amazing sun to ever rise will set on the most beautiful pink snow capped mountains to ever scrape the colorful Colorado sky. I think I shall never forget this day.

This morning I went for a 2 hour walk. I had originally planned to take the girls ice skating (a favorite childhood pastime of mine). But hubby decided to take them to play tennis and to run errands. That left me with the morning and the afternoon to do whatever I wanted. So off I trekked down my usual jogging path.

For some reason, … oh wait, there was a reason…oh yes, because of all the exhaust, I decided to take a detour from my regular route. I headed under a bridge and onto a path that took me along a dry creek. Being that I started out really happy to be alone, I was kind of surprised that at this moment I kept thinking how nice it would have been to have someone to walk with down this path. There were so many things to share.

Along the way I heard and then saw a woodpecker diligently pecking at a tree. I saw a two year old little girl playing in her backyard. She summoned me to play with her on her swing set and I had to decline of course. I saw an old man in a Jazzy wheelchair with a license plate that read “bitchin”. I cracked up laughing at some folks with a really nice lawn, watering their grass and unfortunately, the fresh laundry that was on their clothesline. I saw 10 handmade wooden plank bridges that crossed the dry creek. I saw 60 foot trees. I saw lots of dogs and imagined myself letting them all out of their yards so they could follow me down the path. I saw daffodils, tulips and crocus springing from the ground.

I closed my eyes and listened to the far away traffic and imagined it to actually be waves from the ocean. It’s a very similar sound when the wind is blowing a cool clean breeze and the sun is warm on your face. Then I went home and washed my car. It was a good car washing day.

It was perfect. I can’t wait for tomorrow.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Tuesday, April 8, 2008


Good morning little sunshine
Light flows through your window
Casting life upon your cheeks
I wonder if the sun knows
Nothing will ever be the same
How the world has changed
Now that it speaks your name

©2008 – Michelle Hix

Monday, April 7, 2008

My Dreams are Confirming My Midlife Crisis

So last night I was discussing with my mother, my fears about raising my kids in this economy and in this America that I grew up in. I personally have never known first hand what it means to be disadvantaged in any way. Although times were tough when I was a child, times were good. Growing up, opportunities presented themselves as I worked hard for the life I wanted. I got married to someone who knew of the same and we've built a solid foundation for our family.

But I can't help but worry, to the point of having nightmares last night about the America my children are going to see in their lifetime. Okay, actually, last night was not quite a nightmare, but everyone in my dream was discussing the "gross national product" for what seemed to be hours so that is basically a nightmare right?

So when I woke up, I literally had to Google GNP because I wasn't even quite sure of what the gross national product was!!! What does that say about me if I am 1) dreaming about something I can't define 2) dreaming about an acronym 3) dreaming about economics (yuck) 4) worried to the point of dreaming about something ?

I feel like my president has spent trillions of dollars that weren't his to spend and my kids are going to be left to clean up his oil spill. I think my generation in America has no concept of how easily our children and grandchildren could be left in a world to deal with economic, technological, sociocultural and political problems that my generation has created for them by living and consuming in excess of what is ours. We've taken all too often without giving back to this world.

Sunday, April 6, 2008

My Response to the Email Going Around About Michele Obama

This is a response to an email that someone forwarded to me today. The email is attacking Michele Obama's thesis that she wrote when she was 20 years old at Princeton. It has been circulating for a while but I decided that today was the day to finally break my silence about it.

I first want to attempt to establish my own personal feelings about some of this before I back it up with fact. As I read your email, I know that it is no coincidence that you sent it to me today. You see, just this morning, my daughter and I were reading together about a black family living in Mississippi at the height of the depression. As I choked back tears, I had to explain to her the difference between lynching and hanging, though at that point it was difficult to even speak with the lump that sat in my throat. I had to explain to her how a black child might have felt when receiving her first book at the age of 12, a book that had been documented on the inside cover to be owned by 10 other white children until the condition of it was poor enough to be handed down to a Nigro child. We discussed why the black children had to work on plantations when not in school, couldn’t ride the school bus, and went to a school separated from whites. We talked about how the basic human rights of education available to whites was not available to black children and how that would effect their chances to prosper and where did that leave the characters in the book and their future children and grandchildren. And that was all before we even got to chapter 3. So when I read in your email where someone states:

"Michele Obama clearly has a chip on her shoulder."

I can only think that this statement was made by someone without a heart and without knowledge and without concern for humanity but only for a concern for himself. I believe I am not alone. I believe that many white people, completely removed from the civil rights movement carry a burden for the descendants of the slaves (just as we also carry a burden for the descendants of the holocaust). We are fooling ourselves to think that if you weren’t a slave, then you shouldn’t be affected by it. This brings me to an obvious present-day example of when Bill O’Reilly states:

"I don't want to go on a lynching party against Michelle Obama unless there's evidence, hard facts that say this is how the woman really feels.”

Wouldn’t you have a “chip” on your shoulder, is there no part of you that would be angry, doesn’t she have the right to be hurt, being a descendant of slavery and living in a world where people say things like this on a daily basis? Damn straight she probably has a chip on her shoulder! And so do I! How sad that people feel that she doesn’t deserve to be publicly hung so long as she isn’t “angry” or have a chip on her shoulder. So long as she isn’t an “uppity negro” as they describe in our book, Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry, where black people were described as “uppity” if they actually felt like they deserved to be treated like a human. And Jack, I know you know all of this and none of my passion about this is directed at you, I am merely speaking to everyone out there who making these statements and well, I get a little crazy when I read about it.

Okay, so now on to some facts. First of all, I don’t believe the first lady actually has to have any qualifications other than knowing how to purchase a good suit and smile at the media but reality is that the white house has seen some pretty awesome first ladies come and go from Eleanor to even Hillary (regardless of how I feel about her personally). But damn, if anyone has ever been more qualified for the position than Michele Obama then I’d like to see some resumes. Her education and her experience are so incredibly significant and impressive. I mean, come on, can we just sit and laugh for a minute at McCain’s wife’s qualifications and experience?

When it comes to Michele’s thesis, I first have to say that the quotes are taken out of context of course. How many people who are appalled by her statements have actually read her very long and dry thesis? Not fun reading and I seriously doubt many have even gotten through the first 50 pages. In her thesis, Michele conducts a survey of 89 black Princeton graduates. Some of the quotes are presented as Michele’s personal philosophy but when you read her thesis, you realize that it is merely speculation about what her surveyed respondents felt. To dissect her thesis is more involved than taking a few statements out of context and saying that that is what she stands for. This is not a black militant procolmation. She was 20 years old and writing about cultural alientation in a society with racism within her educational institution and about her fight for inclusion. This was based upon material that was part of her graduate program and from her classes taught in her course of study. This is not a random paper she wrote out of hatred.Let’s just for a moment take a look at some of Michele’s experience graduating from Princeton . After getting her undergraduate from Princeton and her Law degree from Harvard she went to work for the white mayor of Chicago, Richard M. Daley and at the University of Chicago under a white university president. Her actions speak louder to me than anything. In addition, she met Barack, where they both worked as the ONLY african americans at their law firm.

Also in the email it states:

"PS: We paid for her scholarship."

If we are going to say this like we personally paid for her scholarship then let’s also be fair in saying that she has been a taxpayer for 20 years.

The last thing I want to address is the hullabaloo over this statement that she made:

“For the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country.”

She is not saying that she has never felt proud of her country. She is saying that for the first time, she is REALLY proud of her country. Small words, huge difference. As a nation, we are debating using torture as a tactic to get prisoners to talk. We’ve seen our Presidents be sexually inapprpriate out of marriage with a young girl and lie about it, we’ve seen our Presidents continue to send troups to Iraq while over a million people die in our hands, we’ve gone through the Iran contra affair and watergate and countless other embarrassing moments in US history. How can anyone be really proud while knowing all this? She is merely saying, in light of the past , now she now feels hope, now she feels really proud because we are not allowing this behavior to continue. I feel the same way. She’s being honest and transparent, two virtues that past presidents and first ladies have not held and she’s expressing opinions shared by many people of her generation. What she’s saying is meaningful and powerful and directed at politics. I believe that Michele is patriotic. I believe that she loves America and pride and love don’t necessarily have to go together. I can love something that I am not proud of. Now let’s look at her quote more in full context:

"What we've learned over this year is that hope is making a comeback. It is making a comeback and let me tell you something, for the first time in my adult lifetime, I'm really proud of my country. And not just because Barack has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change. And I have been desperate to see our country moving in that direction and just not feeling so alone in my frustration and disappointment. I've seen people who are hungry to be unified around some basic common issues, and it's made me proud. And I feel privileged to be a part of even witnessing this, traveling around states all over this country and being reminded that there is more that unites us than divides us..."

She’s not even saying at any point that she was un-proud. She’s saying that through it all, she’s finally feeling really proud. And the fact that people will take one word or one statement from her speech and use it to try to twist her intentions and destroy her integrity is sad.

Well, I hope that has shed some new light on things. You know me… I’m speaking as a human, not as a politician or as someone who even knows anything about politics. I’m not quite sure why I get so emotionally involved in this stuff. Last night some friends started discussing the war and I felt my eyes well up and my blood pressure started to rise because they were talking about how our military doesn’t have any rights and they can’t shoot people unless shot at first. When I started to question their statements they said “whose side are you on?”

Over a million Iraqi’s are dead.

They didn’t even know there was a side!

Friday, April 4, 2008

Sex Education Report

Older daughter gave me the report after school today:

Mom: Soooo, how was school?

Older daughter: Good

Mom: Soooo, how was puberty class?

Older daughter: It was cool.

Mom: Soooo, what did you talk about?

Older daughter: Well, basically, you can't bleed to death.

Mom: Soooo, did you talk about penises?

Older daughter: Only once. Oh, guess what? Boys have two holes and girls have three.

In walks younger daughter....

Younger daughter: Butthooooole

Mom and Older daughter in unison: What????

Younger daughter: Butthooooole

Mom: Okay, well there you have it. Sex ed according to my 6 year old means one thing. Let's talk about your butthole.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

This is a Penis

I sit here contemplating not waking my daughter up in the morning so that she will miss her field trip tomorrow. You see, 5th grade is a formative year for us. We’ve bought our first bra (for her, not me) and deodorant this year and now I’m about to send her off in the morning to learn about penises. Yes, I really said that…penises. Say it with me now, penises. Okay, I feel better. NOT! Tomorrow is her “New Me” class or rather her “Puberty” class. I was prepared for it…so I thought, until she came home with the talk outline and permission slip, which reads as follows:

I. What is Puberty?
II. When does Puberty start?
III. What causes Puberty to start?
IV. Changes that happen to boys:

a. Voice deepens
b. Growth
c. Hair
d. Muscle Development
e. Sweat and Body Odor
f. Acne
g. Emotions
h. Interests
i. Sperm
j. Erections
k. Ejaculations
l. Wet Dreams
m. Temporary Breast Development

V. Changes that Happen to Girls

a. Voice Deepens
b. Growth
c. Hair
d. Sweat and Body Odor
e. Acne
f. Emotions
g. Interests
h. Breast Development
i. Menstrual Periods

VI. Changes that Happen to Parents

What??? I thought we were going to talk about pads, you know, flexi-wings and tampons! Not penises, ejaculations, wet dreams, sperm and erections!

"Always" a Good Laugh

This has circulated via email for quite some time but figured it was good for a laugh today even if you've read it before.

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your "Always" maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuardCore or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing? As Brand Manager in the Feminine Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants . . . which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong". Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Insomniac Writer

When I can't sleep, I write. I wish that I could sleep when I can't write.

Didn’t know you were setting my soul on fire
But I was aware of the spark
Sometimes it was a just a glance
A fleeting look that brought me to a smile
But many times your gaze was longer
A considerate pause
You’d stare and wait for me to share in your moment
I wonder how many times I missed it
How many times had you rested there
Waiting for me
I am sad for those times
But I accept the good of moments I didn’t miss
The times I couldn’t turn away
Your eyes make me beautiful
The fire takes everything
To have nothing left but the radiance of the blazing fire in my soul
Is all I need to last me until the ashes

©2008 – Michelle Hix

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

High Noon at the Killing Cove

Many of you probably remember last year when Hayden Panettiere made the news with her "paddle-out" along with pro Surfer Dave Rastovich to save the dolphins.

Each year in Taiji Japan, fishermen participate in the annual dolphin slaughter which results in the brutal bloodbath of thousands of dolphins. The hunter boats head out to sea and surround pods of dolphins. Then they bang metal poles placed in the water to disrupt the dolphins' sonar and disorienting them, causing them to swim to the "capture cove". In order to make the dolphin meat more tender, they let the dolphins relax in the netted "capture cove" overnight and then drive them to the "killing cove" where they are brutally speared and their spines are cracked.

Netscape founder Jim Clark and members of the U.S. conservation group Oceanic Preservation Society (OPS), with state-of-the-art technology and financed to the tune of $5 million by Clark, are trying to bring this inhumanity out in the open by producing a feature length film about the annual slaughter.
(film due out this summer)

Click Here and Read This First

http://www.savejapandolphins.org/ - Facts and pictures

www.surfersforcetaceans.com - Surfers who respect and protect marine life

www.savethewhalesagain.com – Haydan Panettiere's Campaign

www.mindsinthewater.com – Visual Petition against the slaughter

www.dolphinproject.org – Ric O’barry’s site