Monday, December 31, 2007
Sunday, December 30, 2007
In my dream, it was me against three demons. I’m not sure what they were but I knew for sure in my dream that they represented hell. I was standing in the backyard of someone’s house, a friend maybe but that was never really established in my dream. It wasn’t my house, that’s all I know. I was facing the fence shared by the neighbor. On the other side of the fence were the three demons.
How can I explain these demons? My trouble in explaining them comes from the fact that I can’t explain the depth of hatred that they had for me well enough. These demons had so much hatred for me that they blasted their hatred on me like a megaphone would blast sound if it were next to your ear. I felt so much fear that my throat held no voice to scream. I felt the inside of my body trying to run while the outside of my stayed to fight. And God, the smell, the smell of hatred…oh, yes, there is a smell that is indescribable! The smell of hell and hatred is so wretchedly sour, so strong that it burns your eyes and your nose, and grips your throat like two hands choking you with such force as intended to suffocate you, break your neck, pulling the flesh from your spinal cord and draining the life from your body.
The demons were so ugly that calling them demons sounds silly to me, like there should be a name for them that is so much worse, so much more descriptive than demon. They were tall and their skin was hard. Their heads were large. Their teeth were sharp and dripped with a sort of vomit colored liquid that never stopped running out of their hot, steamy mouths. God they hated me. I could feel how much they hated me. That was the scariest part. Feeling the hatred come over me like a thousand thick blankets trying to mop up the clean air around me and saturate my surroundings with hatred.
In my dream, I seemed to have two goals. The first was that I had to somehow find my words because I knew that I couldn’t fight them physically. I knew that I somehow had to find the words “Jesus is Lord”. Now, for those of you who know me, you know that yes, I am a believer…but that is not a sentence that you would hear being yelled from my lips on a regular day. Ha ha. But for some reason, I knew in my dream that that statement was my only defense. The second goal was to not let them over the fence because somehow I knew that the amount of hatred they had for me enabled them to throw my body with such force, such strength, such speed that my flesh would literally rip, stretch and burn from my bones and turn to liquid.
In addition, I knew that their only goal was to throw me. I knew that was how I was to die. They weren’t going to eat me with their huge jaws. They weren’t going to thrash me with their long, long sharp fingernails. They weren’t going to beat me with their scaly hands. They were going to throw me and laugh when my skin ripped off and then they were going to take my soul to hell.
Needless to say, I woke up terrified. Terrified to sleep. Terrified to let myself think about the nightmare. Terrified to breathe for fear that they might hear me and snatch me back into the nightmare.
It totally sucked!
So tonight I decided to start planning my training program for the next 4 months. The beginner program, which is moi, requires me to run about 20 miles a week. Crap. I quit.
Okay, no I don't quit. But Sweet Jesus isn't there another way to train for this thing besides running every day? Can someone please be my coach? I just need you to come over to my house every day, smack my face with a few pillows until I get out of bed, feed me a power breakfast (none of that blender stuff though), shove me in front of a mirror and point out my flaws, then drag me to the pavement and kick my ass for 3 miles a day (more like 4 -6 miles a day if I follow the real training program).
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
1. What is your favorite word? Share
2. What is your least favorite word? Maybe
3. What turns you on? Humor, honesty, smoldering passion, music, confidence.
4. What turns you off? Selfishness, ignorance, intolerance, greed, arrogance.
5. What sound or noise do you love? A surprised gasp, rain on a roof, a finger picked guitar, shutter from a camera.
6. What sound or noise do you hate? Nose blowing at a restaurant.
7. What is your favorite curse word? wtf
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Writing or singing…I know, I know, I’m keeping my day job.
9. What profession would you not like to do? School teacher
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Your friends and family have been waiting for you.
This is what they were watching...no wonder they were being so quiet!
Last night you told me about the new job you have accepted. Since, I myself applied for the same position on two occasions, I wanted to give you a few words of encouragement.
First, I want to congratulate you on being offered the job. I know how long you have waited for this opportunity and how hard you worked to get here. Your determination and hard work have paid off and you are an inspiration to those who will come after you. I know it was difficult during the times when you thought you really wanted the position and it just wasn’t available. It was difficult as your friend to see your disappointment because I knew how amazing you would be.
Second, I wanted to give you a little insight into the tasks that you are undertaking. You see, you have accepted a most difficult position that comes without pay, as you know. The good news is that it does not come without reward! I know that during the next several months you will be training and preparing for your new job. But there’s really nothing like on the job training…you will find this out soon enough. You will wear many hats. I don’t know if anyone from the upstairs department told you, but there are many things that aren’t listed on the job description that will fall under your duties. For instance, you will be performing most of the janitorial duties, technical and non-technical support, R&D of the precious product, instructional design, stocking and inventory, and records management. You will need to be able to multi-task, exterminate creepy crawlies, read paperwork out loud to your client using different voices, listen carefully, drive your client to and from activities, administer medication, broaden horizons, launch new product (maybe?), schedule meetings, build futures, construct things, enforce policy, ensure safety, evaluate needs, identify and solve all problems and prepare meals. Most likely, you will be working over time each day and your client will tell you that they hate you a time or two before your job is finished. Hang in there though; it’s all part of the job.
Lastly, I want to remind you why you applied for the position…because undoubtedly you are going to question your decision throughout your tenure. Your client needs someone special, someone with your qualities specifically. They need someone who is results oriented, adaptable, reliable, enthusiastic, intuitive…and someone they can depend on who will be there throughout the entire project, offering sleepless nights of support and guidance all while keeping a sense of humor.
Anyway, I know it sounds tough, but someone thought you were the most competent person for the job. I wholeheartedly agree...you're going to be a wonderful mother!
Friday, December 21, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I’m going to attempt to explain my thoughts on this subject. Most likely, you’re not going to find a lot of facts, dates, or name dropping here. You know me…this is just my opinion. And to qualify who “I” am, I will tell you that: I am an under 40 female, married with children, Christian who considers herself to be socially and culturally liberal and concerned above all things mostly with the rights of Americans as individuals and I try not to have myself associated too closely with one political group or religious group as you will find in knowing me that I live, work and play in the gray a lot and find that I cannot agree largely with any one group of people. When all people want to do is talk about the extreme…the religious right or the bleeding heart liberals…you may sometimes find me somewhere in between, but most likely you will find me off in a corner, talking about something of more importance.
What is religion? In the US, most think of religion as “church”. A place where people go who believe in Jesus and/or God. But in truth, religion is not church. It is a term to describe having a belief system. That belief system does not have to necessarily represent that of a God fearing group of people.
What is politics really? Simply put, politics is the exercise of public service. And “public” includes all people of the US. Those who believe in God and those who don’t.
We’ve been practicing, quite successfully I think, the separation of Church and State for a long time. This works well because one does not have control over the other. And why would we want one to have control over the other? Both religion and politics are complex and perplexing systems. But that does not, however, mean that one does not and should not have any interest in the other. Someone who considers themselves to have a belief system such as religion, probably believe that it is the fabric of their life.
But why are Americans paying so much attention to a political candidate’s religious affiliation? Psychologists tell us that one of our greatest human needs is to “belong”. When we are part of a belief system and we “belong”, we tend to want to vote for someone who “belongs” with us. I think its human nature. And I think that explains “why” it is happening if I had to make a very simple statement of “why”.
But the above question is “should” religion matter in regard to presidential candidates? Wow, okay, my answer…well, I would say it can matter. But I don’t think I can say it should matter. Not in the way of whether or not a candidate shares my religion it shouldn't but it should matter if a candidate has religion. It should matter if they have it because as I stated above, religion is a belief system and our idea of right and wrong need to come from somewhere. And its been coming from a belief system for a long time and it is a good foundation. I would say that it can carry some influence in my decision but at the same time, it can’t be the first and primary consideration in my vote. Why? I’m going to slip into the gray here…follow along…because…I am not my church. I am an American who loves God. And that is as simply as I can put it. I can’t let my church, the religious right, democrats or republicans or anyone for that matter speak for me. If a candidate has my same religious views, I may find that that candidate speaks to me because it is telling me that he has similar beliefs, but no one can speak for me. And although I have the same human needs as everyone else, I won’t vote for someone just to feel comfortable and to feel like I belong.
I also wish that politicians would stop lumping me in with the religious right just because I have a belief system. Most of us don't fall into that category. And our founding fathers, although Christian they were, were NOT the religious right.
This is the short story of Yuri the janitor.
Every week, I handle some business in an office building in Broomfield Colorado. And every week, one of two things will always happen when I get to the building.
1. The janitor will see me coming and run to hold the door open for me.
2. I will enter the building and he will make sure that he beets me to the elevator to push the button before I get there so that the door will be open for me when I get to it.
When I first started going to this building I thought that Yuri was the doorman. He's ever so faithful with the doors.
But he's not. He's the janitor.
He's the friendliest, sweetest janitor I have ever met. And you will think I am kidding, but the Coldwell Banker in Interlocken has the shiniest floors I've ever seen in an office building! Hands down!
Every week Yuri greets me with a smile that lights up my world. And as I leave for the day, he's right there to get the door again for me. I always leave somehow better than I came.
So today when I got to the office I was doing business with, I asked...
"What's the janitor's story?"
"Why is he so happy all the time?"
The reply was not what I had expected. You see, Yuri the janitor is from Bolivia. He has been living here without his wife and daughter for three years. He works to save every dollar he can to bring his family to America. If you could meet this man, you'd never guess that his story is one of being alone in a new country without the people he loves the most. Yuri has touched so many lives that the people of the building have just set up a fund to help Yuri save to bring his family here. I guess I asked about him on the right day!
I wanted to give some money to Yuri's fund so I ran to my car to get some money. For a moment, I wondered how much I should contribute. What would be appropriate? After all, I don't actually know this man, but I wanted to be helpful to someone who has touched my life. As I pulled my hand out of my purse I realized that I had pulled out the exact amount that my boss had added to my check yesterday for a bonus...my question was quickly and simply answered. Funny how life works.
Last week, Yuri was the nicest janitor in the world! Today, I know that Yuri is more than a janitor. He's a husband and a father and a man who loves his family.
Merry Christmas Yuri!
The soda tax! The twinkie tax! Snax tax? (okay, I made that one up)
San Fran’s mayor Gavin Newsom wants to impose a tax on soft drinks. As have others before him. This doesn’t make sense to me. Can someone explain this to me?
Taxes raise money for essential (hopefully) government services. Imposing a soda tax seems to make fun of our tax system to me. Seems like it would open the door for lawmakers to impose other lifestyle taxes.
I do like the idea of labeling food when possible. Give me a way to make a choice. I’m all for it. It is still my choice right?
The soda tax is being compared to the cigarette tax. Hardly the same, although I can see where they are coming from. I do agree that soda is bad for you. Drinking it is causing many to be obese and acquire diabetes. Obesity and diabetes are a big problem for our health care system. And personally, I think it is evil...haha.
SO STOP PUTTING SODA IN OUR SCHOOLS!
STOP GIVING IT TO OUR KIDS!
START TEACHING OUR KIDS IN SCHOOL HOW TO EAT BETTER (AND SAVE MONEY) NOW WHILE THEY ARE YOUNG!
Do people really think that imposing a tax is going to stop people from drinking it?
That’s not how I want to use my money. I don’t want to tax soda to fund health care. I want to build a knowledge of a healthy lifestyle into my kids while giving them a choice. It is still their choice isn’t it?
Someone please disagree with me on this so I can learn something new. I'm open minded...whatcha got?
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
My friend Kat, over at Poetikat's has a new site you should check out! Wordhawk is a compilation of Kat's poems that she has written with and for some of her clients. Have you not gotten your wife the perfect Christmas gift yet? Let Kat write her a custom poem! (better act fast!) What about a birthday or graduation? Don't know what to say in sympathy? Kat's your gal! Just tell her what you want the reader to do. Do you want them to laugh? Cry? Feel nostalgic? Maybe you need to tell your cat or dog just how you feel but can't find the words? She's got that too. For ideas and inspiration, check her out at Wordhawk!
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Don’t waste your promises
On those who will never come through
Don’t waste your memories
They're the only things that will remain true
You’re fighting your soul
As it climbs from your depths
Reaching for the life you won’t live
It claws and it tears at you
Cries and screams for you
But you won’t let it forgive
Don’t waste your tears
On those who won’t look into your eyes
Don’t waste your voice
On those who won’t hear you cries
Everything you are
Who you are and who you want to be
Images of the real you
In your dreams
Is all that she sees
Don’t waste your lies
On yourself when you’re keeping score
Don’t waste your punishment
When you know that you deserve more
Open up to your own gospel
To the person that reflects
In her eyes
Look in the mirror
For the real person
Come out from your disguise
Don’t waste your love
On those who take but don’t give
Don’t waste your time
As it slips away like flour in a sieve
Saturday, December 15, 2007
1. turning 37 (really, I’m trying to celebrate this)
2. starting a new chapter with my family
3. making really good memories with friends
4. giving my marriage some fuel
5. reviving old friendships
6. trying harder to share myself
7. asking for forgiveness
8. allowing myself to be included in my priorities
9. truly forgiving someone
10. eating, feeling and looking good
Thanks to Julianna for challenging me to do this.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
long-haired freaky people need not apply
So, I tucked my hair up under my hat and I went in to ask him why
He said "You look like a fine upstanding young man, I think you'll do"
So I took off my hat and said, "Imagine that, huh me working for you"
whoaaaa signs, signs, everywhere a sign
blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that. Can't you read the signs?
And the sign said "anybody caught trespassing would be shot on sight"
So I jumped on the fence and I yelled at the house
"Hey, what gives you the right?
To put up a fence to keep me out or to keep mother nature in
If God was here, he'd tell it to your face
man, you're some kind of sinner"
whoaaaa signs, signs, everywhere a sign
blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind
do this, don't do that. can't you read the signs?
"now hey you mister can't you read?
you've got to have a shirt and tie to get a seat
you can't even watch, no you can't eat
you ain't supposed to be here"
and the sign said, "You got to have a membership card to get inside"
and the sign said, "everybody welcome. Come in, kneel down and pray"
and when they passed around the plate at the end of it all
I didn't have a penny to pay
So I got me a pen and a paper and I made up my own little sign
I said, "thank you Lord for thinkin' 'bout me. I'm alive and doin' fine"
whoaaaa signs, signs, everywhere a sign
blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind
do this, don't do that. can't you read the signs?
Yikes, my blog was supposed to be a place for me to go and relax…but here I am again…getting all up in your face!
My daughter and I are reading a Rushdie book right now that was assigned in her literacy class. At the beginning of school they sent home waivers so that the kids could read previously banned books. I thought that was cool that they even attempted this for 5th grade. Being that we live in not so colorful suburbia, it’s not every day that we get an opportunity to be aware and discuss things such as racism, sex, religion, etc. I look at controversial books as a segue to those discussions with her…not because I want her to believe what they say, but because without seeing, hearing or reading real life, I feel like its difficult for a young girl to find her voice and take a stand on what she does believe. Telling my daughter what I believe is informational and honest but giving her a book is giving her the ability to grow in humanity.
For an article on why books should never be banned read Ban books? Ban ideas, ban imagination, ban a future
Or visit the Scholars & Rogues website/blog.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Story at TalkLeft
CIA Interrogator Comes Forward: Used Waterboarding, Says It's Torture
Also at TalkLeft with an illustration of waterboarding that will freak you out. Geez! What country do I live in again?
I’ve been vacationing in my own home lately. You see, once the little one got over the stomach flu, it worked its way over to the big kid and then did a number on my husband. For some reason, I seem to be immune to it. Since everyone has been sick but me, I’ve been keeping my distance and vacationing in the guest bedroom.
I never realized what it was like to be a guest in my home. Quite luxurious actually! For some reason, the guest bath has way better water pressure. The master bath is also larger than my kids’ bedrooms, it’s huge and so it never gets steamy. The guest bath is smaller and this morning as I was taking a hot shower, I let the room fill up with steam. Like I was at the spa. I exited the shower only after I had lathered up with all the fancy soaps and shampoos that I purchase for my guests. The guest bath is mildly decorated in a beach theme. Nothing too beachy. Just enough to remind you that you are on vacation. The tile is sandy colored with very pale blue walls and I cleverly hung up these 6 starfish that I bought from Pottery Barn.
The room was so steamy that I wondered if the freeze dried starfish might come alive. I couldn’t see the mirror of course so while I was blow drying my hair like Farrah, I dried the mirror, not realizing that I was also blowing my little sand and candle oasis that I created all over the bathroom. Then I had sand on my toes and it really felt like I was at the beach.
On the back of the bathroom door I have created a guest “stash”. Do you need a toothbrush? Deodorant? Toothpaste? How about a razor or lotion? No need to panic. It’s all right here. Complimentary. I picked some body butter, a new toothbrush, toothpaste and deodorant from the stash. The deodorant was spray. I never use spray. But hey, it’s free. Oh wait, no its not! I sprayed and sprayed and sprayed. When do you stop? I never know when to stop with the spray. Before long, I was in a foggy mist of steam and deodorant. Ahhh…I think I’ll go back tomorrow morning and see if I can order room service.
Sunday, December 9, 2007
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Saturday, December 8, 2007
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Friday, December 7, 2007
Don’t believe the fortune teller’s tale
Her heads too wrapped up, sitting behind the crystal ball
She reads your future from this morning’s paper
She don’t know you at all
And so you leave with empty pockets
Empty lies and empty heart
Wishing you had something left to give
And you feel it’s tearing you apart
You were hoping for a fairy tale ending
Someplace in happily ever after land
But her words tore down your castle
Better to build your life with bricks, not sand
Despair and heartache try to break you
Hope seems very far away
Falling to your knees it takes you
Screaming the words you start to pray
Oh give me one more moment
One more day to get it right
Take the pain I’m drowning in
Give me strength to endure the fight
yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck! I wish I had a typewriter so I could bang it out and then throw it in the fireplace (I'm full of cliches) and forget about it. (ha ha, okay, its days later and I'm reading back on this and all I can say to myself is "oh the drama."
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Talk Left Blog The statistics will surprise you.
And after you read it, you can also check out one of the sites that I like to read.
Colorado Criminal Justice Reform Coalition Blog Great discussions
Blog Home Page
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
This sentence being yelled from the furthest point in your house from wherever you are...
"Mooooommmmeeeee I think I'm going to...."
Hey moms! Finish that sentence. I know you can do it...yep you guessed it! PUKE!
Sweet Jesus (thank you Kulin for my new saying), I've just spent the better part of the night cleaning kid puke. Volumes of kid puke. Like whatever she has eaten for the past 6 weeks has just been sittin in there liquefying and festering. How is it that my kids have perfected the art of making it within 6 inches of the toilet...I hope they don't plan on playing basketball in college. Good heavens, the walls, the floor! Not a flippin drop in the toilet!
Dear 13 year old Michelle,
You are 37 right now and you’ve lived quite a life. I don’t want to ruin any surprises for you but there are some things I can tell you to make your future a little bit easier for you.
1) Stop looking at your boobies; they are not going to get much bigger.
2) Stop looking at other girls boobies, they look like yours.
3) Stop looking at, oh, just stop, boys are going to get you into lots of trouble soon.
4) Although the only man in your life at that young age let you down big time, you will find out that men are amazing creatures (but not before your heart gets broken a time or two.)
5) When you are 15 you will meet your first boyfriend who you will remain friends with for the rest of your life (I’m seeing our future also). So try to let him down easy because it won’t be till later in life when you realize that he was also your best friend.
6) As you go through high school, you do some pretty stupid stuff with your friends. Go ahead and do that stuff. It was really fun. Except for that one night when you and your girlfriends think it would be cool to try chewing tobacco…yeah, skip that. It’s not a pretty scene and your ex will remind you that you sort of ruined his homecoming night. I suppose you could slow it down a little on the drinking…throwing it back up might have built your abs of steel but it didn’t build much in the way of character.
7) Speaking of your friends…(wiping tear from eye) When you are 37, you will have demystified your friendships and women in general. You have the best friends on earth. The thing is, is that many of them you know right now. So be nicer to them because they have a lot of stuff to hold over your head and blackmail is a bitch.
8) When you are 18 your friends will go away for college and since you have a new car, you’ll be driving to Fort Collins every weekend to party. No regrets or advice there…except maybe try to hold on to the car keys a little better because one very late night your best friend is going to dump them in the trash at Taco Bell and it won’t be pretty diving in after them.
9) Since you’ve always been pretty anxious to show everyone how independent you are (yes, you remain quite stubborn in your old age), you will not go away to college, but you will work one full time job at the family biz (yes, your mom stays with that cool guy and he later becomes your step dad and the best Papa in the world to your kids) and two part time jobs and you will carry a full load of classes at The University of Denver at nights and on weekends.
10) You will meet a great guy (after meeting some that aren’t) and after your first daughter is born, you will find a great job doing what you love and this job transitions your mindset into spending a lot of time writing. Your daughter will throw you for some curve balls in life and this will build character in you and bring out the strength that you’ve always had. Your second daughter will come along and add to your joy even more.
11) Being a grown up is hard and you will fail and suck at some things but your hard work usually pays off for you. You are a loyal friend. Your parents are still with you and fight fires and rescue people in the mountains along with being the best grandparents ever. Your sister is still her worldly self and can’t seem to stay in Colorado very long at one time so you’ll have to have your daughter show you how to text message her to keep in touch. You are physically healthy and happy with the way you look. And you will have a tattoo removed so you’ll have to decide if it was worth getting it or not. Maybe if you go ahead and get it, you could pick something a little more bad ass than a flamingo?
12) Being 14 will suck for you more than you probably can imagine. But let me tell you, life is good…you just don’t know it yet.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Many, many, oh many years ago (are you feeling old yet T?) I used to tutor ESL to an Ethiopian family living in Colorado. They were a really nice family but their home had some issues. They were being put up in an apartment home that was less than desirable. Okay, that might be putting it mildly...they had roaches...lots of roaches. And anyone who knows me knows my fear of the little deviant creatures. I was so afraid of making them feel bad about it that I went to their apartment every week anyway. I used to sit with my feet about an inch from the floor (which is really good for the stomach muscles) so that they wouldn't crawl up my leg. When one would crawl across our reading material the mom would flick it off. I think I held my breath the entire visit each week. And when I left I had to check my pockets and cuffs to make sure I wasn't taking any home with me. To top it off, they didn't have air conditioning in the middle of summer.
Once, fall rolled around, they got a new apartment that was a little better. It was Thanksgiving and they invited me to dinner apparently after my boyfriend and I had already eaten and as he puts it, he was stuffed. But of course I didn't want to offend anyone so off we went! Oh, and just for the record, he says I made him go with me. They sat us in a little corner together and while they all sat and stared at us, quite enamored with the "white people", they proceeded to feed my boyfriend two plates piled high of something that included possibly hard boiled eggs and some unleavened bread that were both drenched in curry and a meat of some type that we are still yet to put into words. My friend swears that I got off easy and didn't eat much somehow. But I totally remember him being soooo polite about it. That's just how he was. (and is). Then, to end the evening properly, the men escorted my boyfriend to the bathroom where they offered him cup after cup of homemade beer fresh from the bathtub....awe...he drank it...isn't that cute?
He broke up with me a few weeks later...
(he doesn't remember this part but ...but I swear it was him who broke up with me!)
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Saturday, December 1, 2007
1. What’s your favorite snack? Cheese, sweet red bell peppers, humus, pears or grapes
2. If you could spend one day with anyone, dead or alive, who would it be? Jacques Cousteau underwater, Nelson Mandela, Immaculee Ilibagiza, Bono, Martin Luther King Jr. (I'd walk to the capitol building with him on his birthday, Hitler (who knows, maybe something I'd saywould make a difference)
3. What do people compliment you on? My kids
4. Have you ever run away? I run away every day in my mind.
5. What’s the longest you’ve dated someone? Recently my ex told me that we dated for 21 months (he remembers this?) I think that was the longest besides my husband.
6. Have you had your heart broken? Yes, boys suck
7. When is the last time you cried? A few days ago
8. Tea or coffee? Prefer coffee but like tea also
9. Do you speak your mind? usually
10. Have you ever been in a fist fight? I’m embarrassed to say, but yes, once a girl thought I was flirting with her boyfriend and she pulled a chunk of my hair out at a bar…it was quite funny actually. Oh, and then once in high school a girl choked me with both her hands but a friend came to my rescue.
11. Have you ever gone fishing? Caught my first fish before I was 2 years old, that’s the only thing I remember about my biological father, fishing.
12. Do you ever wish you were a different age than you are now? Recently I’ve been freaking out over my age a little but I’m pretty content with my age if I could just stay 37.
13. What kinds of things do you find it easy to remember? I don’t remember events too well sometimes but I always remember the way I felt during the events.
14. Would you rather lose 10 pounds or gain 10 IQ points? 10 iq points is not a lot when your iq is as high as mine, ha ha, no but seriously, I’d rather gain the iq I suppose, if I lose 10 pounds then I’d lose the "junk in my trunk"!
15. Were you swayed by peer pressure as a teen? Heck yes, my friends were soooo bad! They made me do everything. And I 'm sticking to that story.
16. Which do you think reveals more about a person, the contents of their refrigerator or the contents of their purse? Frig for sure! Unless you are a guy and you carry a purse, well, then I suppose that reveals something about you doesn’t it?
17. How do you feel about going to the dentist? I love my dentist and my hygienist! Chris and Kathy rock!
18. Are you early, punctual, or perpetually late? Punctual!
19. Would you rather be in a rain or snow storm? Rain rain rain…I love rain. I love the way it smells on the sidewalk, on my skin, in the air…love rain. I dream about rain. About walking in it and stomping puddles. I love the sound it makes on the roof in my car or my house. I love the way it feels when it hits my skin.
20. What are your favorite kinds of flowers? Wild flowers
21. Are the passengers in your car required to buckle their seat belts regardless of age? yep
22. List one thing you love about yourself: I think good things about people I don't even know, hoping I am right
23. How long does it take you to get ready to leave the house? 35 minutes
24. What is your favorite comfort food? margaritas or red wine...oh wait...you said food didn't you?
25. Are you superstitious? Nope (cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye)
26. What book character do you think is most like you? Anne of Green Gables or Scarlet O’Hara, for their little girl drama and their tragic romanticism of everything around them.
27. Have you paid off your student loans? Yep, and it was a party!
28. Do you go out at night and "gaze" at the stars? Absolutely and I think about all the people who are doing the same thing as I am right at that very second
29. Which personality trait has gotten you into the most trouble? Loyalty…standing up for people and getting myself in trouble...mouthing off
30. How is your private self different from your public self? My private self is less confident than I come across
31. What do you feel is the sexiest body part of the opposite sex? neck for sure and a man's hands
32. What keeps you awake at night? Fantasies and worries
33. Describe yourself in one word: sacrificial
34. What is your favorite item from your kitchen? Zip lock baggies
35. What is the one thing that frightens you the most about growing old? being alone or being with someone who wishes they were somewhere else
36. Would you be able to sit on a jury and sentence the defendant to the death penalty if he/she were found guilty of a crime that the court warranted the death penalty? I don’t believe in the death penalty…with that said, I also think we have too many people incarcerated right now but I digress
37. Would you say you were guilty of a crime you didn’t commit to free a loved one? yes
38. If you could have a romance with a fictional character, who would it be? Tarzan
39. If you could ask God one question right now, what would it be? What did I do that hurt you the most? Would you forgive me? (okay, that was two)
40. At the grocery store you see an elderly woman shoplift, do you tell the manager? God no! Don’t make me cry. I’d probably follow her around and then pay for all her groceries and walk her home.
41. Does time heal all wounds? Unfortunately no
42. Do you believe people can change? yes
43. Do you buy anything in bulk? I shop at Costco, enough said
44. What famous person who most people find attractive is not appealing to you? Brad
45. What famous person do you think is sexy? Kurt Russell
46. If you could spend a year in perfect happiness but afterward remember nothing of the experience, would you do it? yes
47. Who would you most like to have a dream about tonight? What would you like to dream? Yeah, not going there
48. Do you think a man should accept his baldness or do the comb over/ toupee/Hair Club for men route? I think men should do whatever makes them comfortable but personally, I think bald guys are hot and have dated a couple.
49. Have you ever refused to tip a waiter or waitress? Absolutely not. Everyone has a bad day once in a while.
50. Is there a time in your life where you were given a second chance? Every morning when I wake up is a second chance.
51. If you could spend one night with anyone in the world you desired and your spouse approved, would you? Ooh, maybe, who comes up with this stuff?
52. Do you believe in soul mates? In a certain way I do. I do not believe that there is only one soul mate for each person in the world. I believe that I personally have many. I feel connected to several people in my life at the very core of everything that I am. I also believe strongly that I am aquainted with certain people for a very real and specific reason.
53. Have you ever gone on a blind date? Yes
54. Do you cut your sandwiches on the diagonal, straight up the middle or not at all? Diagonal, always.
55. Do you have a jealous personality? nope
Friday, November 30, 2007
What should I read next?
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Sunshine would not be brilliant
Waiting for the blaze
Casting not a shade upon my days
To cool my limbs and light my ways
No heliotropic appetite to feed
Just growing like a weed
No effort spent
Day after day
Lacking meaning and substance
Life can be a duration of time
Wasted in a trance
Waiting for luminosity
Something visible to see
That you exist to love and move
My hopes and dreams
Not merely growing
But splitting seams
Of painful depression
Wretchedness and sorrow
To illuminate existence
Propelling me into tomorrow
For without you
A slow death
No color, no hue
Each earthly footprint
With no patina placed
Nothing good left behind
Nothing bad erased
The right path
To hurdle the wrath
Only blindly stepping
Into darkness from darkness
Faced with knowing
Exactly where it is I’m going
An aisle of destruction
Life of sinful seduction
Hearing that final sounding bell
Switching classes from life 101 to hell
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Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Men and women are sooo different!
Upon leaving Bath and Body Works…
Me: Wow, this peppermint lip gloss is amazing! Yummy. So pepperminty. It’s making my lips all tingly. It even tastes good. Is it shiny on my lips?
Me: Wanna taste it?
Hubby: (kicking tires on my car) These been holdin’ up for ya pretty well huh? (aren’t your tires holding up well if they haven’t blown out or got a flat…who asks these questions?...Men!)
Me: um, yeah, sure (with pure excitement)
Hubby: (spots a blue version of my car) We coulda got a blue one. Metallic. You like the metallic look?
Me: um, yeah, sure (more excitement)
Leaving another store…
Hubby: Let’s hurry to the car.
Me: Why? Do you have to poop or are you cold?
Hubby: Cold…oh darn, I shoulda went to the bathroom in there.
Leaving yet another store…
Hubby: Wanna go home and …before the kids get home?
Me: Gee, since you put it so persuasively, how can I resist?…(no! that’s how…ha ha)
Ahhh, the joys of shopping with your spouse!
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
I didn’t know this. I guess I never thought about it. In fact, I grew up thinking the opposite I suppose. Growing up without a father I just always assumed that if I had one he’d probably just get in the way. I mean, we (mom, sis and I) had it all figured out. We were fine. We squashed the spiders. The bills got paid (probably not early mind you but they got paid). I knew how to check the oil in my car. We were fine getting by. Really, we did better than just get by. As I got older I even felt privileged that since I didn’t have a father, I probably learned things that my friends didn’t learn because I didn’t have a father figure to fall back on. I was strong and independent and everyone around me could see it and if they couldn’t, I was probably telling them “how” independent I was. I was anxious to get out on my own and show people that I could take care of myself and that I didn’t need a father.
But the other day I heard someone say “Daddies are good at picking you up and dusting you off.” I must have looked stunned. That thought had never crossed my mind. And I realized how dusty I must be. All these years that I’ve been thinking that I was compensating for all the fatherly advice I had missed and all the skills I gained so I wouldn’t ever need him. When all along, I’ve been collecting dust and probably not getting up as quickly as I should. It makes so much sense to me now. It makes sense when I look at the men I dated, it makes sense when I look at the jobs I’ve kept, it makes sense when I look at who I married and how I raise my kids. I seek out people who don’t need me to be needy, people who need me to be strong and have high expectations of me. I befriend people who need me to be there when they need me regardless of how it effects my own life. I seek out jobs that require me to do things that nobody would normally expect and I do these things better than anyone else could. It’s like I’ve been expecting my annual review to say “she worked better than our other employees who had fathers.” I chose a husband who knows that I can handle it…whatever “it” is whenever “it” happens. I raise my kids knowing that if they want it done right they have to do it themselves. What would my life be like if someone else (okay, a father) picked me up and dusted me off all those years when life beat me down? How would things be different?
Maybe I’d be less stubborn and more patient. Maybe I’d be less worried about tomorrow and more content with today. Maybe I’d have less answers and less reason to care about the answers. Maybe I’d have more time. Maybe I’d care about myself more. Maybe I’d be less busy. Maybe I’d allow myself to do all the things that scare me to death because I’d know that if I fail, I’d have someone to pick me up and dust me off. Maybe not. Whatever.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
The kids are stirring so up to the attic we go (and you thought I’d say Costco)
Dad throws down five boxes, each one full of décor
Can we decorate for Xmas without a trip to the hardware store?
Now our tree, as you know, stands 12 feet tall
I’m afraid of heights, afraid I might fall
So up hubby climbs on his really big ladder
Good thing he’s got skills and he’s not any fatter
Unpacking the boxes, I’m excited to see
My old Shrinky Dink ornaments from 1973
There are so many treasures from years long ago
Oh the excitement of Xmas, you never outgrow!
Sixteen circles I danced to fill the tree with light
Red and green festive flashing colors so bright
The ornaments were next as my man contemplates
To place them up top in order as I dictate
But what happened next, I should have expected
Not a care in the world for all the treasures I’ve collected
As my other half barks out military-like commands
I see ornaments flying out of the children’s hands
From 12 feet below to the top where he sat
The smaller kid pitched like he was holding a bat
Ornaments from my childhood go whooshing passed
As I sit in shock, my expression aghast
Chucking each valuable to his hand with no glove
He then places them carefully on the tree with love
This made me feel better knowing the job would get done
Why not let them have a little Xmas non-traditional fun
When all of a sudden my eyes couldn’t believe
She wound up and wound up getting ready to heave
The most precious glass trimming packed in tissue with care
Went twirling and whirling and flying through the air
Look out Dad, here it comes, catch it now
But her arm wasn’t strong enough for his reach to allow
It smacked me in the head before coming back down
She looked at my face, expecting more than a frown
Quit playing around you two, let’s finish the job
My oldest ran for an ice pack as my head started to throb
Before long came the cats, nice but naughty also
Attacking the branches were Sharky and JoJo
But what can we do, they’re having too much fun
Knocking down candy canes and bells, one by one
So we watched and we laughed and enjoyed our night
Then we drank our hot cocoa and plugged in the lights
‘Twas the night that we spent all together us four
Trimming our tree with decorations galore
It wasn’t a chore but more a traditional task
It was a crazy family affair, what more could you ask?
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
He enters the room
and every head turns
No words leaving lips
and all conversation adjourns
Leaving other men to wonder
why women pause to gaze
Carrying on for him to catch a glimpse
of our come hither love clichés
Captivating male creature
It’s the way his eyes speak
Across a dim lit room
Making my knees weak
Generously equipped anatomy
upon which feminine eyes will fix
Broad shouldered standing dignified
A Michelangelo he depicts
Each move he makes is analyzed
Confident, calm and composed
Displaying gifts of nature
The strength in his build exposed
Seductive male creature
It’s in his voice so deep
Telling me a secret
Hoping mine he'll keep
hmm...that's all I have...it just fell out of my head without an ending...I hate that...maybe the ending will fall out later
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."
— John F. Kennedy
“Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.” Psalm 100:4 (NKJV)
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Today, while doing the girls’ laundry I came across the inevitable. As I hung my youngest daughter’s clothes up, some of her shirts were falling off the hangers and landing on the floor. This has been happening for a while now, but I am usually able to strategically place the shoulders in place so that the shirt will balance and eventually be held in place by the next shirt pressing up against it. With the whole closet full, everything stays in place pretty well until she yanks the items down!
But lately, since we’ve bought some new school clothes and she’s officially wearing a size 7/8, those items are not as cooperative. The bottom line…she’s outgrown her baby hangers...and this makes me sad. The thought of reorganizing her entire closet and getting rid of her baby hangers signifies something for which I am not ready...its possible that she’s no longer a baby. My husband would tell you that this happened many years ago…it drives him nuts that I still call her “baby.” But she is a baby to me. She still wants to sit on my lap and have me rock her to sleep. She wants me to read stories to her and sing to her. She wants to lay her head in my lap while I play with her hair. She wants me to draw little pictures on her back when I give her a back rub. She and I are not ready for the big girl hangers yet. No, not quite yet anyway.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Last night my husband had a friend over to the house for dinner. He loves to cook for his friends so I let them do the guy thing and eat their steaks in peace while I did crafts with the girls and the neighbor kids. Then my husband and his friend get this wild idea that they want to put up the Christmas tree. I’m thinking “before Thanksgiving?” Hey, what the heck, why not? Do they realize that this thing takes 4 days, one ladder, several batches of hot chocolate and apple cider, trips to the attic and the basement, and a good set of branch fluffing gloves to put this up? That when they are done, they will be dizzy from the high altitude of decorating at 12 feet? That even though they are wearing the branch fluffing gloves that their arms will be scratched and itching from fluffing? No they don’t realize this…but all the more fun for me to watch right?
After about an hour of listening to them crack up at the cat trying to climb each branch that they fluffed, I went in to see how they were doing (since my 6 year old kept coming in to tell me they were doing it all wrong).
That’s the English alphabet right? Am I confused? Apparently they were! The first thing they did was dump, yes, dump all the branches on the floor, in a heap. There went the “order of which they should be taken out and put up the next year” plan I so carefully thought out. The next thing they did that I thought odd was they started at the bottom of the tree. So now, when you get to the top you can’t get the ladder close to the tree because the bottom branches span out so wide. But, no biggy right? I mean, they can handle it. They’ll figure it out right? But then I notice that there seems to be no order to the rows. Upon further inspection, I notice that my tree goes from “O” to the next row being “Q”. I say “where’s P?” (I’m looking at blank stares). I repeat “where’s P?” Then they’re both like “there’s a P????” (are you kidding me?) Of course there’s a “P”. Why wouldn’t there be a “P”? And so it goes…if you want something done right, either do it yourself or at least leave your 6 year old in charge!
In their defense, I will say that they screwed down the cushions on my dining room chairs for me last night. I had re-upholstered them myself about 3 months ago and had been asking the husband to screw them back together for me. I should have just done that myself too. I mean, I unscrewed them, I could have just screwed them back…but I wanted him to do it because I upholstered over the holes and I didn’t want to mess it up. So that got done last night and now my Thanksgiving guests can eat safely.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Workin on a Friday night
No money in my pockets
Can’t take my girl out for a bite
Doin’ time at the pizza place
Deliverin’ pies is my game
It’s a rat’s race
Large pepperoni in my hand
Cool…the apartment’s on the ground floor
In three minutes flat
I arrive at the door
Chick answers my knock
Dressed for the kill
I hand over the pie
She gives me a $20 dollar bill
What happened next I’m not sure
Though I was left in despair
Woke up with a knot on my head
Tied to a chair
Now this is a first I thought
Trying to wriggle free
I’ve tied up a few
But no girl’s tied me
I jerked and I shifted
Around in my seat
Hoping to slip away
Ropes tight at my hands and feet
Like a fish out of water
I sent that stupid chair
Straight to the ground
Not so bad if there’s carpet
A cushion or throw
But my head hit tile
It took another blow
I lay there in pain
Wondering what to do then
I tried yelling for help
Over and over again
Here girl…she came
Her tail wagging like crazy
A dog to my rescue
Her tag read Ms. Daisy
Chew here and tug there
I gave her commands
I’ll play with you girl
If you can just free my hands
But instead she drank from her bowl
Lapping what seemed like gallon
Then proceeded to lick my face
Didn’t care that I’d fallen
I finally shimmied free
Pondered my case
Dusted off my clothes
Got out of that place
Ran for my car
Which of course was not there
$20 gone from my pocket
Don’t even have cab fare
I stick out my thumb
Hoping someone will see
Then all of a sudden
A car stops for me
Wouldn’t you know it?
It’s just my bad luck
It’s my girl that pulls over
There’s a guy in her truck
“Oh this is Steve” she says
“He’s just a pal”
But “just a pal” Steve's
Sitting too close to my gal
No room in front
So I hop in the bed
Feeling like Daisy
The wind blowing through the hair on my head
The pizza manager was waiting
Pointing to the clock
What took you so long?
Your delivery was one block
What I said next
Gave him a panic attack
Deliver your own pizzas!
I’m not coming back!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Firing assets of prescriptions
Under command of senior intelligence in white coats
We want to thank you
The civilians sending convoys of support
Coalition forces who understood the battle firsthand
The battalion that have been victorious
The forces before them that were defeated and went home
The enemy fights hard
Hoping for surrender
Armed with ammunition
Firing when the soldier is weak
What chance does a warrior have?
The rebel invades
Reconnaissance on the body
Stealing good men and women from this earth
Sending them home to rest
We love you and you will be missed
Crestfallen, our heads in prayer
Thinking of you
We honor your bravery
Cancer took your life, but the memories remain
Written in memory of Mary K., the mother of my good friend who lost her battle with cancer on Monday.
Confrontation approaches you
Bad news calls you
Inadequacy follows you
Hurtful yells at you
Unworthy whispers to you
Sinful winks at you
Dishonesty tugs at you
Disobedience spits on you
Stress weighs on you
Melancholy sings to you
Evil anticipates you
Sadness adopts you
Selfishness advises you
Worry councils you
Excuses define you
Sickness diagnoses you
Bias dissects you
Fear stops you
Mirrors expand you
Gossip comforts you
Pessimism governs you
Time keeps you
Disbelief convinces you
Do you run as fast as you can or fight the demons one by one?
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Raindrops hit the ground
Running to hide
From the storm outside
I swear I nearly drowned
The screen door slammed and Ma looked up
She’d said it one too many
Don’t slam that door!
Mop up the floor!
Brains! Girl do you have any?
When weather is uncooperative
The icy cold wind blows
A better way
To spend my day
My secret no one knows
So up the attic stairs I climb
A creak at every tread
Don’t look up
Don’t look down
I close my eyes instead
The ninth plank down and six across
I think it’s that one there
I lift her carefully
From her box
And caress her golden hair
Hello Ms. Marilla Saffron Bean
Has your waiting been drawn-out?
I’ve missed your smile
I’m sad I’ve been without
What’s that you say? A cup of tea?
Oh, thank you I’d love some
I’ve brought some scones
And clotted cream
Careful not to leave a crumb
Oh no, oh dear I hear her now
Its mother in an uproar
Goodbye my friend
You have to go
Back underneath the floor
But I solemnly vow as your best friend
To come back soon again
I pinkie swear
Even cross my heart
The weatherman’s calling for more rain