Derrick For Vice President! - I Love This Kid!

First Video - Reporter does a little mental racial stereotyping and heads for Derrick...ahhh, but he was no match for Derrick Ashong! Elise click here if you can't see the video (ha ha).




Second Video - Derrick's response to the hype his first video was getting. Elise, ckick here if you can't see the video.



Third Video - Derrick's Open Mic Challenge Has Just Started on Youtube. For more information, go to Take Back The Mic. And of course, if the video doesn't load...click here if you can't see the video.

Free Speech and The Freedom to Write About the Dumbasses Who Use The First Amendment to Bore Us to Tears

Max Karson, the crappy non-news journalist who writes for The Campus Press at The University of Colorado has done it again. Being out of the limelight for too many days, he knew he must stir up some controversy…I can almost hear him screaming “hey everybody, look at me, look at me.” What a frickin baby!

Yes, we bloggers love the first amendment…as do journalists. But hopefully, when we write, there is some intent behind what we say. That’s the one thing I can’t ever find in Max Karson…intent…something of value…worthy of my eyes and ears.

For those who haven’t followed the stories, Max Karson is an editor at The Campus Press who can’t seem to keep his mouth shut for five minutes. Hey, all fine and dandy if I gave a crap about what he has to say right?

I think this boy was picked on one too many times in grade school. Here are some of the damaging opinions and statements he makes about the Asian community at CU in a recent article that some dismiss as “satire”

"If It's The War The Asians Want, It's The War They'll Get."

"Now I know that Asians are not just 'a product of their environment' and their rudeness is not a 'cultural misunderstanding.' They hate us all. And I say it's time we started hating them back. That's right -- no more 'tolerance.' No more 'cultural sensitivity.' No more 'Mr. Pretend-I'm-Not-Racist.' It's time for war."

He then goes on to describe in detail, a plan for Asian Reformation that is anything but satire yet screams hate and prejudice.

Karson is the same student who had been arrested and suspended from school after allegedly making comments that sounded sympathetic to the Virginia Tech gunman last year. CU police Commander Brad Wiesley said Karson made comments about understanding how someone could kill 32 people during a class he was attending. Karson said he was "angry about all kinds of things, from the fluorescent light bulbs to the unpainted walls, and it made him angry enough to kill people," multiple witnesses told police, according to a police report. Another CU student told reported that Karson said, "Anybody who walks around here and says that they don't think about killing 32 people is lying."

Um NO….People don’t walk around thinking or needing to kill 32 people Max unless they have serious mental issues.

In summary, satire is just not Max’s genre. The sooner he realizes it, the sooner we can all get back to the real news…you know, The K-fed vs. Britney saga?

Cool Words - A 4x4 Meme

Poetikat tagged me for a 4x4 meme. I ended up changing the rules a bit and well, here it is...words that are cool, four at a time!

Favorite Words – 4x4

People with Cool Names
Elvis
Joey Buttafucco
Immaculee Ilibageeza
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Cool Words that Describe Feeling
Antagonistic
Nonplussed
Melancholy
Sabotaged

Places with Cool Names
Galapagos
Rancho Cucamonga
Saskatchewan
Wagga Wagga

Words that Feel Cool in Your Mouth
Ubiquitous
Acquiesce
Quintessential
Soliloquy

So Much To Satirize...So Little Jon

I wish Jon Stewart could just follow the candidates around at the debates and make follow up comments after they and the media speak. Wouldn't it just make everything more bearable?

My Burrito's Too Bootylicious For Ya Babe!

Yesterday Mark and I had planned to go to the garden and home show in Denver. But plans changed and oldest child is out of town so younger child and I decided to hop on over to the new burrito place for a late lunch. The new burrito place, which shall remain nameless for now, has only been open for 2 days. Here's what's on the menu at the burrito place.

1. baby burrito
2. mama burrito
3. big daddy burrito
4. chips

I order the bay leaf chicken burrito and ask for lots of hot salsa since the chicken contains no spice whatsoever. As the confused burrito chick, who, by the way, has clearly spent an inconsequential amount of time bathing this week, concentrates on making my burrito, I see the look of confusion switch to horror as she places what we are calling "chicken" on my tortilla. Now the look on my face is starting to match the look on her face. And what happened next is no laughing matter. What happened next is the reason I have spent the better part of the last 25 years having to talk myself into being a meat eater. What happened next is

Burrito chick: (yelling to the manager in that "fire, fire" voice) Steve!!!!!!! Come here!

Steve the manager: This is where I would insert Steve's brilliant comment, except he never came running when she yelled for him.

Me: (oh dear God just finish the burrito already and quit playing with it)

Burrito chick: (leaves burrito station and runs to the back room, then returns with a new happier look on her face and plucks two chunky things off my burrito and tosses them in the trash.) Then says "what else would you like on your burrito today?"

Me: Um....okay...no...um...I'm sorry...what...um....yeah...what did you just throw away?

Burrito chick: (in a really pleasant I just wiped my butt with your burrito voice) Oh, thaaaaat? Oh that was just a tail. (silly me right?)

Me: Oh, just a tail? Okay...um...yeah...right...who's tail?

Burrito chick: The chicken's tail. (silly me again) Sometimes the whole back end gets chopped up in there on accident. (oopsy daisy) Did you want me to start over with a fresh tortilla?

Me: WTF????????????????
Me: WTF????????????????
Me: WTF????????????????

Me: Um...yes...yeeeaaaahhhh...start over would ya...oh and let's go for the other chicken...the one over there...it looks like the tail is much more ground up in that one.

Burrito chick: Ooohhh, good idea (in the "anything for the customer" voice)

Now, while this is happening, the girl in line behind me, horrified as well, has her "anything but the chicken" burrito planned out. But then she lets her mom order the "tail" special!!!! Some daughter!

Now, I know what you are thinking...why didn't I leave and go to Subway? I guess I just didn't have the heart to tell my daughter the truth and so we enjoyed our bootylicious burritos and left.

Interrupted

An alphabet poem

Awakened.
Blood curdling sounds.
Choking on life.
Death interrupted.
Evocative hopelessness.
Failed mortality.
Gasping for air.
Horrific reality.
Immobilized by fear.
Judicious plan gone wrong.
Killing this dash proves difficult.
Linger in the pain.
Moments of clarity.
Needle my plan.
Opening the wounds.
Poking fun at my heart that still beats.
Questions still unanswered.
Retry!
Step into the darkness once again.
Tailor the plan to perfection.
Undertaker waits patiently.
Virulent means embraced.
Welcome to the soiree.
Xanthous flesh turns pale.
Yore seems the days I escape.
Zip code change request finally granted.

©2008-Michelle Hix

No Flippin Way! - - - Warning...Men...Don't Even Attempt To Read This Post

According to my Health Magazine that I am reading right now, and according to Biotech researchers at Arizona-based Medistem Laboratories, menstrual blood contains adult stem cells that could potentially be used to treat disease. They say that you now have the option to bank your blood in a deep freeze...just like they do with the umbilical cord storage. While this is fundamentally a really cool idea, I think I'll hold off on jumping into that one. But shall my readers be interested in making a deposit, you can find more info at http://www.celle.com/.

Speaking of blood...in a couple of months I am going to switch over from donating whole blood to an automated donation process where they remove your blood, separate and take the plasma/platelets that they need and replace what they don't back in your body through the iv. It's often a long process depending on your blood count (2 hours) but mine seems to be on the high side so Bonfils tells me it might only take me about 70-85 minutes. If I understand the process correctly, since they are not taking the whole blood then you can donate it every two weeks instead of every 56 days. Donating through the automated process is obviously more time consuming for people but it is crucial for cancer patients recipients.

Want To Do Something Totally Romantic For Your Spouse???

Tomorrow, Wednesday February 20th, there is going to be a total lunar eclipse! Why not pick up a bottle of your favorite wine on your way home from work and be prepared to watch the fantastic colors of the eclipse with your man/gal (yes, I'm easily pleased). For my friends in South Africa, I think your eclipse is visible Thursday.

(Times listed in MST)

When: 6:43-10:09 p.m. with total eclipse starting at 8:01 and lasting about 50 minutes

Maximum Eclipse Beauty is around 8:26
Partial Phase Begins at 6:43 pm
Total Phase Begins at 8:01 pm
Total Phase Ends at 8:51 pm
Partial Phase Ends at 10:09 pm

Isn't that just the most romantic thing you can do on a Wednesday night? It will be so amazing! It is so cool right at that point of the total eclipse when the sun starts to ooze out around the earth to get a peek at the moon.

Oh, and also cool will be Saturn which is going to be real close to the moon and I think we will be able to see the rings. Is that neat or what? I'm serious...this is cool...I mean, maybe its the two glasses of wine I've had this evening...but I don't think so...I think its just the fact that I'm a lunatic. Get it?... Lunatic? ha ha

Repost - In Honor of President's Day

I wrote this last year...thought it was appropriate for President's Day (and now you know why I'm never bored).

Presidential Poesy

First in the hearts of his countrymen
Our nation was led by George Washington

Next in line was a Harvard Grad
John Adams was also John Quincy’s dad

Thomas Jefferson was number three
Independence he declared made our country free

To be the author of the Bill of Rights
It took James Madison many fights

James Monroe and his doctrine
Made foreign interference a has-been

John Quincy Adams, a diplomat of sorts
Also an attorney working the Boston courts

Contracting small pox as a prisoner early in life
Andrew Jackson illegitimately married his wife

Speaking Dutch first was Martin Van Buren
He was also called “Little Magician”

William Henry Harrison’s claim to fame
Longest inaugural address, shortest term…it was a numbers game

“His Accidency” John Tyler then acceded
But his political agenda was quite unheeded

James K. Polk believed in Manifest Destiny
Securing the largest expansion called the Oregon Territory

Zachary Taylor was “Old Rough and Ready”
His sudden death left the administration unsteady

Not much changed with Millard Fillmore
He divided the parties and apart they tore

Franklin Pierce’s reputation was not the best
Permanently discrediting certain manifest

James Buchan was a “dough face”
Directly involved with the Dred Scott Case

Not yet equal rights but at least liberation
Abe Lincoln announced the Emancipation Proclamation

As Vice Pres Andrew Johnson gave a rambling speech
And later as President he was impeached

Ulysses S. Grant made Christmas a holiday
And his face you’ll see if fifty dollars is your pay

A dark horse nominee and a republican
Rutherford B. Hayes signed a bill for rights of women

Although James Garfield’s assassination could not be prevented
A metal detector to find the bullet was invented

Was he Canadian or natural born in the states?
Chester A. Arthur’s eligibility was never proven in debates

Serving two non-consecutive terms was Grover Cleveland
Opposing women’s suffrage movement should have got him canned

Centennial president Benjamin Harrison
Was none other than William Henry’s grandson

Grover Cleveland served as president again
This time our nation faced economic depression

William McKinley was shot and got gangrene
Couldn’t find the bullet without the new x-ray machine

Theodore Roosevelt took the stand
Speaking softly with a big stick in hand

Jurist William Howard Taft known for trust-busting
Breaking up 90 trusts, no monopolizing

Known for keeping us out of war
Woodrow Wilson served two terms of four

The Ohio Gang had their hands in the cash drawer
Kept Warren G. Harding walking the floor

Calvin Coolidge’s style was laissez-faire
Some called him “Silent Cal” for no hot air

Herbert Hoover was a Quaker
During his term he was a dam maker

FDR his terms were four
Rocked the White House with Eleanor

Dropping atomic bombs was Harry S. Truman
He said, “If you can't stand the heat, you better get out of the kitchen”

Dwight D. Eisenhower supported Brown v. Board of Ed.
No way our schools should be segregated!

John F. Kennedy his whole life cool
Even voted “most likely to be President” by his high school

After Kennedy was assassinated came LBJ
Vice President Lyndon B. Johnson led the way

Faced with being impeached Richard Nixon had to resign
He’s remembered for Watergate, wiretapping and crime

With two assassination attempts but still alive
Gerald R. Ford was the butt of jokes on Saturday Night Live

Jimmy Carter opposed the death penalty
One of the first to address the rights regarding homosexuality

The Iran-Contra Affair was publicized
Ronald Regan the movie star was criticized

George H. W. Bush we knew might fail
But making it worse was his mate Dan Quayle

William Clinton was one of those guys
We loved him dearly despite his lies

George W. Bush came from Texas
Soon his term will come to pass

©2008-Michelle Hix

10 Things You'll Never Hear Me Say - A Meme

Kat's new Meme challenge is 10 Things You'll Never Hear Me Say...here's mine...

1. I’m bored.

2. I think I’ll get another tattoo.

3. “no” (I’m working on this though)

4. I can’t find anything I need at Costco.

5. I’m just not in the mood for Starbucks today.

6. Honey, do you need help organizing the garage?

7. The history channel is overrated, let’s watch reality tv tonight.

8. That book sounds good but I’ll wait for the movie to come out.

9. It sucks to wake up every morning to look at those snow capped mountains.

10. I can’t meet you out for Margaritas and Mexican food, I have laundry to do.

Let's see...I'll tag Elise, Graham, and Jen!

Happy Valentine's Day

Thanks for all the well wishes, kind thoughts and inspiration lately. I feel blessed to be part of this little community we have going here!

Love
Michelle

We Said It Wednesday

Find out who said what, why, when and where this week...all right here!

A word of warning for anybody else that is contemplating trying this themeselves.

People who know me, know that I have no fear when it comes to speaking out.

I felt a wave of hysteria erupt as I realised my mistake.

There's something to admire about a guy that has the courage to wear a "Mile High Club" t-shirt in a formal family photo.

Introducing….Inertia Girl!!!

So I did my little stint of jail time.

I pop one in my mouth, suck on it for a couple of minutes and then start chomping on it.

I poo’d a little. (tears of laughter rolling down my face as I type this)

I can’t actually give you that, I will offend people.

so, like the rest of the world, i resign myself that there is nothing much i can personally do to change the world, except maybe sign a petition here or there or stick a bumper sticker on my car... (Sweets, you are brilliant and have already changed the world with your sons...keep it up.)

The fall is now dried up, trickling like some sort of wee flow.

It's not difficult, a man only needs to be:

I was starving and I was like a madwoman as the time was creeping up to 9pm because of course...

Ok, here I go...

The Lucifer Effect

Philip Zimbardo is an American psychologist and a professor emeritus at Stanford University. He wrote The Lucifer Effect: Understanding How Good People Turn Evil and recently gave a lecture at the World Affairs Council of Northern California. I was very excited to watch his lecture after reading about his past experiments and studies...particularily his Stanford Prison Experiment and the Milgrim Experiment (not his but relevant and that of his friend's). His lecture, How Good People Turn Evil, is over an hour long but very thought-provoking. If you want to watch it, make sure you have time for all of it. It's gripping, even through the Q&A at the end. Warning: The video footage includes graphic pictures of Abu Graib. If you can stomach the photos (if you can't, listen and close your eyes) then you should watch because he explains how these soldiers, otherwise good moral people, were sent off to an immoral war and seduced to commit the atrocities that we saw at Abu Graib. It actually explains a lot about human nature, good and evil, power and authority.

Note: When I talk about the atrocities, please don't get me wrong. I support our troops. But I don't support the way the war is going. Saddam and Osama are responsible for mass murder and genocide and in no way am I attempting to explain THEIR evil.

Click to see Lecture Video (sorry, could not embed due to an unclosed tag that I couldn't find and fix myself)

Links
The Situationist (includes his lecture and his interview on Colbert)
FORA.tv
Milgrim Experiment
Professor Zimbardo's Website
Lucifer Effect Website

For Pam and Lynda!

Pam and Lynda are my new readers. They've known my kids since they were just babies and our kids have attended the same school for 6 years. You never knew my kids could rock did you? This video was filmed about a year ago at my parents' cabin. The lead singer is their Papa. Since the video was shot, we now have a set of real drums (although C rocks the 5 gallon pails and the spatulas just fine) and M has a nice red electric guitar. Here's the Youtube link in case the video doesn't load Generation Rock Band

Colbert Helps Us Get To "Know a Lobbyist"

Okay, for all my Candadian friends and friends abroad who may not be familiar with Colbert or Comedy Central...Stephen Colbert is an comedian, satirist, actor, and writer known for his ironic style, particularly in his portrayal of uninformed opinion leaders and deadpan comedic delivery. I think I watched this four times this morning.



If this video doesn't load, try the Youtube version here.

Lisa Nova Makes Me Laugh

Superdooper Phat Tuesday

How cool is it that not only is it going to be Super Tuesday but also Fat Tuesday on February 5th? And what does that mean? Well, I suppose it might mean that the primary process is almost over...or it could mean that Lent is just about to start. It all comes down to food for me! Either I am going to embrace my Catholic upbringing and gorge on a King Cake to celebrate Fat Tuesday or I'm going to get all American on your ass and slice me some apple pie to celebrate Super Tuesday before I go to the caucus and exercise my 19th amendment right thank you very much Susan B. Anthony!

To join the party (now when I say party I mean like balloons and hootin and hollerin', not like "political party") all you have to do is copy down one of these recipes and serve it up real nice to the family. They'll love ya for it!

If this apple pie looks good, click here for this recipe!

And now for the King Cake recipe!

Louisiana-to-Denver King Cake
Originally posted in The Denver Post

(by the way, this recipe leaves out the baby! Don't forget to squish the baby in there somplace...the kids love that part!)

Tested at high altitude. From Sheryl Butterfield, makes 2 cakes. No matter how big the cake is, it is to be cut into pieces to fit the size of the crowd. That said, each of these cakes can feed between 12 and 14 because it's so rich.

Ingredients
1 package active dry yeast

1/4 cup lukewarm water

1/3 cup plus 1 teaspoon sugar

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup butter, divided

1 cup milk, scalded

3 eggs

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/4 teaspoon cinnamon or ground mace

4 to 4 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, divided

TOPPING
3/4 cup sugar, divided into 1/4 cups

Green, yellow and purple food coloring

1 cup powdered sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Water

Directions
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Dissolve yeast and 1 teaspoon sugar in lukewarm water. Set aside.

In a large mixing bowl, combine remaining sugar, salt, 1/4 cup butter (in chunks), and scalded milk. Mix with electric mixer on low speed until well-blended. Cool to lukewarm. Beat in 2 eggs. Add yeast mixture, vanilla extract, cinnamon and 3 cups flour. Mix until smooth. Stir in remaining flour (1 cup) by hand. Add up to a half- cup more if sticky. Cover with a damp towel and allow to rise in a warm place until doubled in size, about 1 1/2 hours.

On a lightly floured surface, roll dough into a square 1/3-inch thick. Dot with half the remaining butter and fold in half. Repeat. Roll again into a rectangle 1/3-inch thick and repeat folding process. Place in greased bowl, cover with towel and let stand 25 minutes. Refrigerate for 2 hours.

Remove from refrigerator and roll onto lightly floured surface into a rectangle 1/3-inch thick. Cut rectangle into 12 1-inch strips.

Braid strips in sets of 3; pinch together 2 braids to form an oval, then the other 2 braids to form another oval, making 2 cakes.

Place ovals on heavy baking sheets lined with parchment paper. Cover with a towel and allow to rise until slightly less than doubled in bulk, about 45 minutes.
Beat remaining egg and brush on cakes. Bake 20-25 minutes, or until golden; let cool.

While cake is baking, make topping: Color each 1/4 cup sugar with a couple of drops of food coloring and set aside. Combine powdered sugar, vanilla and enough water to form a paste. Spread icing on cake tops using a butter knife. Before the icing dries, sprinkle three colors of sugar in bands alternately around cake tops.

This Is My 200th Post

And I don't have anything profound to post! Blogger told me I was at 199 this morning and I panicked...what am I supposed to do for my 200th post? So I'm wasting my 200th post by telling you it is my 200th post. It seems the only appropriate thing to do. I just can't deal with the pressure. I will leave you with this little excerpt of a conversation the kids and I had...

Little Sisters...Can't Live With Them, Can't Duct Tape Their Mouths Shut

Big Sis: Mom, I think I have a pimple.
Mom: Yes, maybe you do have some little tiny bumps.
Big Sis: Look, they are right here on my chin.
Mom: Yes, I can see them. You're getting older and big girls sometimes have little blemishes.

Okay, stop here...what's worse than having a pimple when you are 11? Answer: Having a little sister tell you that you wish it was only a pimple!

(Enter little sis...)

Little sis: Those aren't pimples. You're probably growing a beard!!!!