My Burrito's Too Bootylicious For Ya Babe!

Yesterday Mark and I had planned to go to the garden and home show in Denver. But plans changed and oldest child is out of town so younger child and I decided to hop on over to the new burrito place for a late lunch. The new burrito place, which shall remain nameless for now, has only been open for 2 days. Here's what's on the menu at the burrito place.

1. baby burrito
2. mama burrito
3. big daddy burrito
4. chips

I order the bay leaf chicken burrito and ask for lots of hot salsa since the chicken contains no spice whatsoever. As the confused burrito chick, who, by the way, has clearly spent an inconsequential amount of time bathing this week, concentrates on making my burrito, I see the look of confusion switch to horror as she places what we are calling "chicken" on my tortilla. Now the look on my face is starting to match the look on her face. And what happened next is no laughing matter. What happened next is the reason I have spent the better part of the last 25 years having to talk myself into being a meat eater. What happened next is

Burrito chick: (yelling to the manager in that "fire, fire" voice) Steve!!!!!!! Come here!

Steve the manager: This is where I would insert Steve's brilliant comment, except he never came running when she yelled for him.

Me: (oh dear God just finish the burrito already and quit playing with it)

Burrito chick: (leaves burrito station and runs to the back room, then returns with a new happier look on her face and plucks two chunky things off my burrito and tosses them in the trash.) Then says "what else would you like on your burrito today?"

Me: Um....okay...no...um...I'm sorry...what...um....yeah...what did you just throw away?

Burrito chick: (in a really pleasant I just wiped my butt with your burrito voice) Oh, thaaaaat? Oh that was just a tail. (silly me right?)

Me: Oh, just a tail? Okay...um...yeah...right...who's tail?

Burrito chick: The chicken's tail. (silly me again) Sometimes the whole back end gets chopped up in there on accident. (oopsy daisy) Did you want me to start over with a fresh tortilla?

Me: WTF????????????????
Me: WTF????????????????
Me: WTF????????????????

Me: Um...yes...yeeeaaaahhhh...start over would ya...oh and let's go for the other chicken...the one over there...it looks like the tail is much more ground up in that one.

Burrito chick: Ooohhh, good idea (in the "anything for the customer" voice)

Now, while this is happening, the girl in line behind me, horrified as well, has her "anything but the chicken" burrito planned out. But then she lets her mom order the "tail" special!!!! Some daughter!

Now, I know what you are thinking...why didn't I leave and go to Subway? I guess I just didn't have the heart to tell my daughter the truth and so we enjoyed our bootylicious burritos and left.