But what does forgiveness look like?
I will describe what it is for me, which may or may not follow the biblical, moral, or societal norm, but hey, that’s me!…its what I’ve got!
It’s nice when the catalyst for forgiveness is repentance…sort of gets the ball rolling…but let’ assume I don’t get that luxury. I can’t let myself continue to be the victim by waiting and being held captive to the other person’s indecisiveness to repent or the ignorance of their act. It simply slows down the process and makes forgiveness contingent upon someone else. This simply won’t do as I haven’t got all day!
Should we try to forget after we forgive?
How it’s done!
Well, for me anyway, after a period of feeling badly, I make the conscious decision to stop sulking, I bite my pouty lip back in, unfold my arms and get off the fainting couch…the drama is over. I say to myself “I can forgive you”. This usually occurs in the shower, where I do most of my brainstorming and some of my critical thinking for the day. Then I make a mental list (no paper in shower) of things that I like about this person, things that they have done for me, ways that they add to my life, things that I appreciate about them, and
really neat shit that they have bought me over the years. I am making this sound simple, but honestly, this could add up to a month of showers. Sometimes my husband opens the water bill and says “Who were you mad at this month?” You just never know until you start the process. Each day, I add good thoughts about this person and slowly let myself think less of the knife in my back. This process starts out very deliberately, but then something natural takes over and I start doing it without any effort and without even realizing that I am doing it. Once it becomes more natural, I’m pretty much over the hump, rounding third and almost home free. The power of positive thinking is nothing short of amazing and the law of attraction starts to apply by bringing peace to my life through my own thoughts. After which, I simply hand the knife back to them and say “I’m only giving this back to you because I love you."