Derrick For Vice President! - I Love This Kid!

First Video - Reporter does a little mental racial stereotyping and heads for Derrick...ahhh, but he was no match for Derrick Ashong! Elise click here if you can't see the video (ha ha).




Second Video - Derrick's response to the hype his first video was getting. Elise, ckick here if you can't see the video.



Third Video - Derrick's Open Mic Challenge Has Just Started on Youtube. For more information, go to Take Back The Mic. And of course, if the video doesn't load...click here if you can't see the video.

Free Speech and The Freedom to Write About the Dumbasses Who Use The First Amendment to Bore Us to Tears

Max Karson, the crappy non-news journalist who writes for The Campus Press at The University of Colorado has done it again. Being out of the limelight for too many days, he knew he must stir up some controversy…I can almost hear him screaming “hey everybody, look at me, look at me.” What a frickin baby!

Yes, we bloggers love the first amendment…as do journalists. But hopefully, when we write, there is some intent behind what we say. That’s the one thing I can’t ever find in Max Karson…intent…something of value…worthy of my eyes and ears.

For those who haven’t followed the stories, Max Karson is an editor at The Campus Press who can’t seem to keep his mouth shut for five minutes. Hey, all fine and dandy if I gave a crap about what he has to say right?

I think this boy was picked on one too many times in grade school. Here are some of the damaging opinions and statements he makes about the Asian community at CU in a recent article that some dismiss as “satire”

"If It's The War The Asians Want, It's The War They'll Get."

"Now I know that Asians are not just 'a product of their environment' and their rudeness is not a 'cultural misunderstanding.' They hate us all. And I say it's time we started hating them back. That's right -- no more 'tolerance.' No more 'cultural sensitivity.' No more 'Mr. Pretend-I'm-Not-Racist.' It's time for war."

He then goes on to describe in detail, a plan for Asian Reformation that is anything but satire yet screams hate and prejudice.

Karson is the same student who had been arrested and suspended from school after allegedly making comments that sounded sympathetic to the Virginia Tech gunman last year. CU police Commander Brad Wiesley said Karson made comments about understanding how someone could kill 32 people during a class he was attending. Karson said he was "angry about all kinds of things, from the fluorescent light bulbs to the unpainted walls, and it made him angry enough to kill people," multiple witnesses told police, according to a police report. Another CU student told reported that Karson said, "Anybody who walks around here and says that they don't think about killing 32 people is lying."

Um NO….People don’t walk around thinking or needing to kill 32 people Max unless they have serious mental issues.

In summary, satire is just not Max’s genre. The sooner he realizes it, the sooner we can all get back to the real news…you know, The K-fed vs. Britney saga?

Cool Words - A 4x4 Meme

Poetikat tagged me for a 4x4 meme. I ended up changing the rules a bit and well, here it is...words that are cool, four at a time!

Favorite Words – 4x4

People with Cool Names
Elvis
Joey Buttafucco
Immaculee Ilibageeza
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Cool Words that Describe Feeling
Antagonistic
Nonplussed
Melancholy
Sabotaged

Places with Cool Names
Galapagos
Rancho Cucamonga
Saskatchewan
Wagga Wagga

Words that Feel Cool in Your Mouth
Ubiquitous
Acquiesce
Quintessential
Soliloquy

So Much To Satirize...So Little Jon

I wish Jon Stewart could just follow the candidates around at the debates and make follow up comments after they and the media speak. Wouldn't it just make everything more bearable?

My Burrito's Too Bootylicious For Ya Babe!

Yesterday Mark and I had planned to go to the garden and home show in Denver. But plans changed and oldest child is out of town so younger child and I decided to hop on over to the new burrito place for a late lunch. The new burrito place, which shall remain nameless for now, has only been open for 2 days. Here's what's on the menu at the burrito place.

1. baby burrito
2. mama burrito
3. big daddy burrito
4. chips

I order the bay leaf chicken burrito and ask for lots of hot salsa since the chicken contains no spice whatsoever. As the confused burrito chick, who, by the way, has clearly spent an inconsequential amount of time bathing this week, concentrates on making my burrito, I see the look of confusion switch to horror as she places what we are calling "chicken" on my tortilla. Now the look on my face is starting to match the look on her face. And what happened next is no laughing matter. What happened next is the reason I have spent the better part of the last 25 years having to talk myself into being a meat eater. What happened next is

Burrito chick: (yelling to the manager in that "fire, fire" voice) Steve!!!!!!! Come here!

Steve the manager: This is where I would insert Steve's brilliant comment, except he never came running when she yelled for him.

Me: (oh dear God just finish the burrito already and quit playing with it)

Burrito chick: (leaves burrito station and runs to the back room, then returns with a new happier look on her face and plucks two chunky things off my burrito and tosses them in the trash.) Then says "what else would you like on your burrito today?"

Me: Um....okay...no...um...I'm sorry...what...um....yeah...what did you just throw away?

Burrito chick: (in a really pleasant I just wiped my butt with your burrito voice) Oh, thaaaaat? Oh that was just a tail. (silly me right?)

Me: Oh, just a tail? Okay...um...yeah...right...who's tail?

Burrito chick: The chicken's tail. (silly me again) Sometimes the whole back end gets chopped up in there on accident. (oopsy daisy) Did you want me to start over with a fresh tortilla?

Me: WTF????????????????
Me: WTF????????????????
Me: WTF????????????????

Me: Um...yes...yeeeaaaahhhh...start over would ya...oh and let's go for the other chicken...the one over there...it looks like the tail is much more ground up in that one.

Burrito chick: Ooohhh, good idea (in the "anything for the customer" voice)

Now, while this is happening, the girl in line behind me, horrified as well, has her "anything but the chicken" burrito planned out. But then she lets her mom order the "tail" special!!!! Some daughter!

Now, I know what you are thinking...why didn't I leave and go to Subway? I guess I just didn't have the heart to tell my daughter the truth and so we enjoyed our bootylicious burritos and left.

Interrupted

An alphabet poem

Awakened.
Blood curdling sounds.
Choking on life.
Death interrupted.
Evocative hopelessness.
Failed mortality.
Gasping for air.
Horrific reality.
Immobilized by fear.
Judicious plan gone wrong.
Killing this dash proves difficult.
Linger in the pain.
Moments of clarity.
Needle my plan.
Opening the wounds.
Poking fun at my heart that still beats.
Questions still unanswered.
Retry!
Step into the darkness once again.
Tailor the plan to perfection.
Undertaker waits patiently.
Virulent means embraced.
Welcome to the soiree.
Xanthous flesh turns pale.
Yore seems the days I escape.
Zip code change request finally granted.

©2008-Michelle Hix

No Flippin Way! - - - Warning...Men...Don't Even Attempt To Read This Post

According to my Health Magazine that I am reading right now, and according to Biotech researchers at Arizona-based Medistem Laboratories, menstrual blood contains adult stem cells that could potentially be used to treat disease. They say that you now have the option to bank your blood in a deep freeze...just like they do with the umbilical cord storage. While this is fundamentally a really cool idea, I think I'll hold off on jumping into that one. But shall my readers be interested in making a deposit, you can find more info at http://www.celle.com/.

Speaking of blood...in a couple of months I am going to switch over from donating whole blood to an automated donation process where they remove your blood, separate and take the plasma/platelets that they need and replace what they don't back in your body through the iv. It's often a long process depending on your blood count (2 hours) but mine seems to be on the high side so Bonfils tells me it might only take me about 70-85 minutes. If I understand the process correctly, since they are not taking the whole blood then you can donate it every two weeks instead of every 56 days. Donating through the automated process is obviously more time consuming for people but it is crucial for cancer patients recipients.

Want To Do Something Totally Romantic For Your Spouse???

Tomorrow, Wednesday February 20th, there is going to be a total lunar eclipse! Why not pick up a bottle of your favorite wine on your way home from work and be prepared to watch the fantastic colors of the eclipse with your man/gal (yes, I'm easily pleased). For my friends in South Africa, I think your eclipse is visible Thursday.

(Times listed in MST)

When: 6:43-10:09 p.m. with total eclipse starting at 8:01 and lasting about 50 minutes

Maximum Eclipse Beauty is around 8:26
Partial Phase Begins at 6:43 pm
Total Phase Begins at 8:01 pm
Total Phase Ends at 8:51 pm
Partial Phase Ends at 10:09 pm

Isn't that just the most romantic thing you can do on a Wednesday night? It will be so amazing! It is so cool right at that point of the total eclipse when the sun starts to ooze out around the earth to get a peek at the moon.

Oh, and also cool will be Saturn which is going to be real close to the moon and I think we will be able to see the rings. Is that neat or what? I'm serious...this is cool...I mean, maybe its the two glasses of wine I've had this evening...but I don't think so...I think its just the fact that I'm a lunatic. Get it?... Lunatic? ha ha

Repost - In Honor of President's Day

I wrote this last year...thought it was appropriate for President's Day (and now you know why I'm never bored).

Presidential Poesy

First in the hearts of his countrymen
Our nation was led by George Washington

Next in line was a Harvard Grad
John Adams was also John Quincy’s dad

Thomas Jefferson was number three
Independence he declared made our country free

To be the author of the Bill of Rights
It took James Madison many fights

James Monroe and his doctrine
Made foreign interference a has-been

John Quincy Adams, a diplomat of sorts
Also an attorney working the Boston courts

Contracting small pox as a prisoner early in life
Andrew Jackson illegitimately married his wife

Speaking Dutch first was Martin Van Buren
He was also called “Little Magician”

William Henry Harrison’s claim to fame
Longest inaugural address, shortest term…it was a numbers game

“His Accidency” John Tyler then acceded
But his political agenda was quite unheeded

James K. Polk believed in Manifest Destiny
Securing the largest expansion called the Oregon Territory

Zachary Taylor was “Old Rough and Ready”
His sudden death left the administration unsteady

Not much changed with Millard Fillmore
He divided the parties and apart they tore

Franklin Pierce’s reputation was not the best
Permanently discrediting certain manifest

James Buchan was a “dough face”
Directly involved with the Dred Scott Case

Not yet equal rights but at least liberation
Abe Lincoln announced the Emancipation Proclamation

As Vice Pres Andrew Johnson gave a rambling speech
And later as President he was impeached

Ulysses S. Grant made Christmas a holiday
And his face you’ll see if fifty dollars is your pay

A dark horse nominee and a republican
Rutherford B. Hayes signed a bill for rights of women

Although James Garfield’s assassination could not be prevented
A metal detector to find the bullet was invented

Was he Canadian or natural born in the states?
Chester A. Arthur’s eligibility was never proven in debates

Serving two non-consecutive terms was Grover Cleveland
Opposing women’s suffrage movement should have got him canned

Centennial president Benjamin Harrison
Was none other than William Henry’s grandson

Grover Cleveland served as president again
This time our nation faced economic depression

William McKinley was shot and got gangrene
Couldn’t find the bullet without the new x-ray machine

Theodore Roosevelt took the stand
Speaking softly with a big stick in hand

Jurist William Howard Taft known for trust-busting
Breaking up 90 trusts, no monopolizing

Known for keeping us out of war
Woodrow Wilson served two terms of four

The Ohio Gang had their hands in the cash drawer
Kept Warren G. Harding walking the floor

Calvin Coolidge’s style was laissez-faire
Some called him “Silent Cal” for no hot air

Herbert Hoover was a Quaker
During his term he was a dam maker

FDR his terms were four
Rocked the White House with Eleanor

Dropping atomic bombs was Harry S. Truman
He said, “If you can't stand the heat, you better get out of the kitchen”

Dwight D. Eisenhower supported Brown v. Board of Ed.
No way our schools should be segregated!

John F. Kennedy his whole life cool
Even voted “most likely to be President” by his high school

After Kennedy was assassinated came LBJ
Vice President Lyndon B. Johnson led the way

Faced with being impeached Richard Nixon had to resign
He’s remembered for Watergate, wiretapping and crime

With two assassination attempts but still alive
Gerald R. Ford was the butt of jokes on Saturday Night Live

Jimmy Carter opposed the death penalty
One of the first to address the rights regarding homosexuality

The Iran-Contra Affair was publicized
Ronald Regan the movie star was criticized

George H. W. Bush we knew might fail
But making it worse was his mate Dan Quayle

William Clinton was one of those guys
We loved him dearly despite his lies

George W. Bush came from Texas
Soon his term will come to pass

©2008-Michelle Hix

10 Things You'll Never Hear Me Say - A Meme

Kat's new Meme challenge is 10 Things You'll Never Hear Me Say...here's mine...

1. I’m bored.

2. I think I’ll get another tattoo.

3. “no” (I’m working on this though)

4. I can’t find anything I need at Costco.

5. I’m just not in the mood for Starbucks today.

6. Honey, do you need help organizing the garage?

7. The history channel is overrated, let’s watch reality tv tonight.

8. That book sounds good but I’ll wait for the movie to come out.

9. It sucks to wake up every morning to look at those snow capped mountains.

10. I can’t meet you out for Margaritas and Mexican food, I have laundry to do.

Let's see...I'll tag Elise, Graham, and Jen!

Happy Valentine's Day

Thanks for all the well wishes, kind thoughts and inspiration lately. I feel blessed to be part of this little community we have going here!

Love
Michelle

We Said It Wednesday

Find out who said what, why, when and where this week...all right here!

A word of warning for anybody else that is contemplating trying this themeselves.

People who know me, know that I have no fear when it comes to speaking out.

I felt a wave of hysteria erupt as I realised my mistake.

There's something to admire about a guy that has the courage to wear a "Mile High Club" t-shirt in a formal family photo.

Introducing….Inertia Girl!!!

So I did my little stint of jail time.

I pop one in my mouth, suck on it for a couple of minutes and then start chomping on it.

I poo’d a little. (tears of laughter rolling down my face as I type this)

I can’t actually give you that, I will offend people.

so, like the rest of the world, i resign myself that there is nothing much i can personally do to change the world, except maybe sign a petition here or there or stick a bumper sticker on my car... (Sweets, you are brilliant and have already changed the world with your sons...keep it up.)

The fall is now dried up, trickling like some sort of wee flow.

It's not difficult, a man only needs to be:

I was starving and I was like a madwoman as the time was creeping up to 9pm because of course...

Ok, here I go...

The Lucifer Effect

Philip Zimbardo is an American psychologist and a professor emeritus at Stanford University. He wrote The Lucifer Effect: Understanding How Good People Turn Evil and recently gave a lecture at the World Affairs Council of Northern California. I was very excited to watch his lecture after reading about his past experiments and studies...particularily his Stanford Prison Experiment and the Milgrim Experiment (not his but relevant and that of his friend's). His lecture, How Good People Turn Evil, is over an hour long but very thought-provoking. If you want to watch it, make sure you have time for all of it. It's gripping, even through the Q&A at the end. Warning: The video footage includes graphic pictures of Abu Graib. If you can stomach the photos (if you can't, listen and close your eyes) then you should watch because he explains how these soldiers, otherwise good moral people, were sent off to an immoral war and seduced to commit the atrocities that we saw at Abu Graib. It actually explains a lot about human nature, good and evil, power and authority.

Note: When I talk about the atrocities, please don't get me wrong. I support our troops. But I don't support the way the war is going. Saddam and Osama are responsible for mass murder and genocide and in no way am I attempting to explain THEIR evil.

Click to see Lecture Video (sorry, could not embed due to an unclosed tag that I couldn't find and fix myself)

Links
The Situationist (includes his lecture and his interview on Colbert)
FORA.tv
Milgrim Experiment
Professor Zimbardo's Website
Lucifer Effect Website

For Pam and Lynda!

Pam and Lynda are my new readers. They've known my kids since they were just babies and our kids have attended the same school for 6 years. You never knew my kids could rock did you? This video was filmed about a year ago at my parents' cabin. The lead singer is their Papa. Since the video was shot, we now have a set of real drums (although C rocks the 5 gallon pails and the spatulas just fine) and M has a nice red electric guitar. Here's the Youtube link in case the video doesn't load Generation Rock Band

Colbert Helps Us Get To "Know a Lobbyist"

Okay, for all my Candadian friends and friends abroad who may not be familiar with Colbert or Comedy Central...Stephen Colbert is an comedian, satirist, actor, and writer known for his ironic style, particularly in his portrayal of uninformed opinion leaders and deadpan comedic delivery. I think I watched this four times this morning.



If this video doesn't load, try the Youtube version here.

Lisa Nova Makes Me Laugh

Superdooper Phat Tuesday

How cool is it that not only is it going to be Super Tuesday but also Fat Tuesday on February 5th? And what does that mean? Well, I suppose it might mean that the primary process is almost over...or it could mean that Lent is just about to start. It all comes down to food for me! Either I am going to embrace my Catholic upbringing and gorge on a King Cake to celebrate Fat Tuesday or I'm going to get all American on your ass and slice me some apple pie to celebrate Super Tuesday before I go to the caucus and exercise my 19th amendment right thank you very much Susan B. Anthony!

To join the party (now when I say party I mean like balloons and hootin and hollerin', not like "political party") all you have to do is copy down one of these recipes and serve it up real nice to the family. They'll love ya for it!

If this apple pie looks good, click here for this recipe!

And now for the King Cake recipe!

Louisiana-to-Denver King Cake
Originally posted in The Denver Post

(by the way, this recipe leaves out the baby! Don't forget to squish the baby in there somplace...the kids love that part!)

Tested at high altitude. From Sheryl Butterfield, makes 2 cakes. No matter how big the cake is, it is to be cut into pieces to fit the size of the crowd. That said, each of these cakes can feed between 12 and 14 because it's so rich.

Ingredients
1 package active dry yeast

1/4 cup lukewarm water

1/3 cup plus 1 teaspoon sugar

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup butter, divided

1 cup milk, scalded

3 eggs

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/4 teaspoon cinnamon or ground mace

4 to 4 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, divided

TOPPING
3/4 cup sugar, divided into 1/4 cups

Green, yellow and purple food coloring

1 cup powdered sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Water

Directions
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Dissolve yeast and 1 teaspoon sugar in lukewarm water. Set aside.

In a large mixing bowl, combine remaining sugar, salt, 1/4 cup butter (in chunks), and scalded milk. Mix with electric mixer on low speed until well-blended. Cool to lukewarm. Beat in 2 eggs. Add yeast mixture, vanilla extract, cinnamon and 3 cups flour. Mix until smooth. Stir in remaining flour (1 cup) by hand. Add up to a half- cup more if sticky. Cover with a damp towel and allow to rise in a warm place until doubled in size, about 1 1/2 hours.

On a lightly floured surface, roll dough into a square 1/3-inch thick. Dot with half the remaining butter and fold in half. Repeat. Roll again into a rectangle 1/3-inch thick and repeat folding process. Place in greased bowl, cover with towel and let stand 25 minutes. Refrigerate for 2 hours.

Remove from refrigerator and roll onto lightly floured surface into a rectangle 1/3-inch thick. Cut rectangle into 12 1-inch strips.

Braid strips in sets of 3; pinch together 2 braids to form an oval, then the other 2 braids to form another oval, making 2 cakes.

Place ovals on heavy baking sheets lined with parchment paper. Cover with a towel and allow to rise until slightly less than doubled in bulk, about 45 minutes.
Beat remaining egg and brush on cakes. Bake 20-25 minutes, or until golden; let cool.

While cake is baking, make topping: Color each 1/4 cup sugar with a couple of drops of food coloring and set aside. Combine powdered sugar, vanilla and enough water to form a paste. Spread icing on cake tops using a butter knife. Before the icing dries, sprinkle three colors of sugar in bands alternately around cake tops.

This Is My 200th Post

And I don't have anything profound to post! Blogger told me I was at 199 this morning and I panicked...what am I supposed to do for my 200th post? So I'm wasting my 200th post by telling you it is my 200th post. It seems the only appropriate thing to do. I just can't deal with the pressure. I will leave you with this little excerpt of a conversation the kids and I had...

Little Sisters...Can't Live With Them, Can't Duct Tape Their Mouths Shut

Big Sis: Mom, I think I have a pimple.
Mom: Yes, maybe you do have some little tiny bumps.
Big Sis: Look, they are right here on my chin.
Mom: Yes, I can see them. You're getting older and big girls sometimes have little blemishes.

Okay, stop here...what's worse than having a pimple when you are 11? Answer: Having a little sister tell you that you wish it was only a pimple!

(Enter little sis...)

Little sis: Those aren't pimples. You're probably growing a beard!!!!

It's So Cool to be a Girl!

Especially in the 80's...

Piano Music

Piano Music by Eric Weinstein

Had lunch with a girlfriend yesterday that I haven't seen since my baby shower 12 years ago...what a blast catching up! Her husband is a talented piano player. She gave me one of his cd's yesterday and I've been listeing to it in the car. Feel free to check it out...

Farewell John Edwards...

May his platform of addressing economic injustices for the 35 million Americans living in poverty live on (or impregnate) in the hearts of those who have power! (we could argue who has power in America but I digress)

We Said It Wednesday

Find out who said what, why, when and where this week...all right here!

I pranced around the kitchen in a red embroidered black suspender belt and stocking set complete with a matching red bra and thong.

But Manolos won’t help if you need a stiff drink!

Oh, after they drop a load of babies, they are ready to get pregnant again within hours...HOURS!

i've been a little naughty!!

Hhmmm... I don’t do the whole housework slash laundry slash budgeting thing very well, but I did lose weight and I started focusing a little on wearing matching clothes and make-up and such... teehee!

Warm and hot.

There was no vegetable penetration.

Rumors are swirling this is going to be one very messy, divorce.

He hated me and he hated you,

My Dad didn't think I was his child, so he refused to come to the hospital.

I now refuse to go to Lowe’s on Tuesdays for fear I’ll find him there waiting with flowers and moonshine in hand, and that drunk snaggletoothed donkey grin plastered hopefully across his grizzled old face!

I would play a drinking game…you know the one…where you take a drink every time he mentions 9/11, but I’m afraid of alcohol poisoning.

There were moments where I wished I could climb in there myself.

Grateful for the distraction after approximately 7 minutes of working which translates into 2 minutes of writing I answer the call to hear a voice that I had not heard for 2 years.

AND THEN, it hit me!

The Story of Stuff

During an enlightening evening of making homemade potstickers with the neighbors, discussing politics, vacationing, work and "stuff", someone threw out this link...very interesting...see for yourself.

The Story of Stuff

Extraction - Production - Distribution - Consumption - Disposal

I Am Guilty!

The Moon at Sunrise - Believe it or Not

The moon waiting patiently for the sun to come up so he can retire.

Perspective

The letter came by US Mail. Unlike the ordinary methods of communication I utilize daily like email, text messaging and instant messaging, this letter was hand delivered to the physical mailbox that sits on my manicured lawn in front of my house. As I walked across the lawn to the mailbox I thought about my husband. If he could have witnessed me actually checking the mail in this manner, this deliberate act of cutting across the lawn instead of using the sidewalk, there would have been a discussion about how I was smashing the grass or stunting its potential spring growth. I say “discussion” as if the conversation could have the ability to be two sided but in reality the discussion would consist of him asking “do you have to walk across the lawn?” and me ineffectively rolling my eyes to add drama to the situation…because that’s what I do. But, hubby wasn’t around to see the cataclysmic tragedy of my cute little feet dancing across the lawn sooooo…cut across I did like the rebel that I am!

Upon opening the mailbox I immediately notice the junk mail that we are still receiving despite paying for a junk mail removal system. After wading through the advertisements and the bills, I come to a letter, hand addressed to me. I recognize the return address and with a smile on my face, I throw all the other mail back in the mailbox and skip back across the lawn to my front door, enter the house and plop down in my office chair excited to read a hand written letter.

By the time I have read this letter, I am aware as I usually am, that I am probably not the first or the only one to have read it. I can’t be sure of this, but I always assume that the letters written by prison inmates are read by someone before they are allowed to seal the envelope.

You are probably wondering if I get a lot of mail from prison, if I am one of those women who have low self esteem and find it gratifying to have men with tarnished backgrounds sending me letters asking me for photos of myself. Well I’m not one of those women so keep reading.

I’ll admit that I do have a friend on the “inside.” He has been there for a few years and could quite possibly be there for many more depending on his appeal process. He was my friend prior to going to prison so if you could please resist the temptation to picture me standing outside the prison clinging desperately to the electronic chain link fence pining over a convict who wants a prison marriage ceremony, I would really appreciate it. And now that we have cleared that up…lets move on.

The letter starts in the usual way, catching me up on his daily routine and the only two things he is allowed to do all week that is enjoyable (pray and play music). He fills me in on who has written and who he’d like to hear from because writing letters is a way to not only help him keep his sanity, but it helps pass the “time.” He thoughtfully asks questions about my family and remarks on my last correspondence to him. That’s usually the bulk of our letters…when you sit in a little room for most of your day, you don’t create much to talk about. This is understandable, so I try to keep him entertained with my writing (sad as it may be) and life on the “outside.”

But today as I sit thinking about my reply to him, I can’t help but think of something he said to me in his letter last week and more importantly, the things he has not said to me in all of his letters over the years. What he said was this - “all in all, I can’t complain.” In my head I am thinking “REALLY???...You sit, eat, sleep, and poop in a tiny room 24/7, writing with God knows what since they probably don’t let you have a pen for fear that you pen yourself or someone else to death, knowing that you have been convicted of a crime that you are innocent of and you really can’t complain?” But he doesn’t complain. Instead he uses his time to build his friendships and his relationship with God and sends letter after letter without one complaint. He's gracious and thoughtful and punctual with his writing. And although he is human afterall and nobody would fault him for moaning a bit, he chooses not to.

And so as I sat at my computer today, grumbling about the fact that I am having some computer issues and bellyaching about what to cook for dinner; I stop for a moment to allow some perspective to pass through my thoughts. I pause to appreciate that I have a computer (or three) and a dinner that I will not be serving up on some sort of safety tray with dull, non-threatening utensils. My life, with all its flaws, I wouldn’t give up for anything.

I Have A Dream, 1963

Hi Friends...If you've never listened to the whole speech, here it is in its entirety. It's beautiful. His words will fill your soul and restore your faith in humanity. As I read and listen, I am saddened and proud, depending on how I look at it, by the fact that if you replace the word "negro" with gay or handicap or woman or senior citizen, you can hear Martin Luther King, Jr.'s voice speaking for the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for ALL.
Thanks for being here...Michelle



"I HAVE A DREAM" (1963)
I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But 100 years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men - yes, black men as well as white men - would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check that has come back marked "insufficient funds."

But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and security of justice. We have also come to his hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end but a beginning. Those who hoped that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. There will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force. The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We cannot walk alone.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead. We cannot turn back. There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their selfhood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating "for whites only." We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no we are not satisfied and we will not be satisfied until justice rolls down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream.

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. Some of you have come from areas where your quest for freedom left you battered by storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive.

Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today my friends - so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification - one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day, this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning "My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my father's died, land of the Pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring!"

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true. And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado. Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi - from every mountainside.

Let freedom ring. And when this happens, and when we allow freedom ring - when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children - black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics - will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual: "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

Distribution statement: Accepted as part of the Douglass Archives of American Public Address (http://douglass.speech.nwu.edu) on May 26, 1999. Prepared by D. Oetting (http://nonce.com/oetting).

Permission is hereby granted to download, reprint, and/or otherwise redistribute this file, provided this distribution statement is included and appropriate point of origin credit is given to the preparer and Douglass.

Also, if you are interested in reading more..."I've Been to the Mountaintop" and "Letter from a Birmingham Jail" both by MLK, Jr.

My Favorite Place

Half blinked into existence
One third fragments of my breath
A paradisaical moment
But features more like death

No escaping without words
Locked up inside the master
Yet can be lost forever
Without its conscious capture

Where apples can be oranges
And it’s logical to see
Loved ones gone to heaven
Now right in front of me

I met a man there once
Buying tickets to the show
We talked as if we were old friends
Yet his name I did not know

Traveling distant lands abroad
No grain of sand did pass
Inside a quixotic time machine
Devoid an hourglass

On our journey we met a girl
Riding upon a three legged giraffe
I did not think it odd at all
When I heard his long neck laugh

It’s whimsical and magical
And woven with the thread
Strands each from real and make believe
Sewn right in through my head

No fear or death comes round this place
Unless I do not go there
For if I fall not to a dream
I might well land a nightmare

Michelle Hix 2008

We Said It Wednesday

Find out who said what, why, when and where this week...all right here...

"I am a great distance from where I once was as a man."

"I’m amazed there’s no head in his bed."

"I was desperate for a long hot shower."

"As I walk around to see what looks like their stock room I begin to panic as I realise how ‘dodgy’ this would look if someone came down and saw this drunk black man wading through the clubs supplies trying to explain himself in nonsensical incoherent sentences."

"Someday someone should invent "Jungle Chess!" - where the players slap each other around a bit while they play. "

"Who Knows Where It Is We Go"

"That way, when you piss down your leg repeatedly, everyone knows it was you."

"What if a passerby, a jogger or someone walking their dog found a body in a ditch and then called the police."

"in addition to the blisters, I was also nursing a mammoth migraine and a Colorado River sized log-jam of constipation."

"So, yesterday I had to drop off my post-vasectomy Mooge sample."

"was scared i have to admit...didn't want to be hit by a stray bullet y'know"

"Isn't she a gorgeous looking girl?"

"Yesterday i received a lovely suprise."

"Yep, I spent the night spooning with the toilet."

Coffee at Sunrise

I took this picture yesterday while having my morning coffee on our back deck. Not the greatest picture but it was kind of cool how the whole world seemed orange for a moment.

Whoa! 20 Years Goes By Fast...

Found these in the basement. Thought I'd post them for a good laugh...109 lbs. of bangs and eyebrows and braces (the reason for the stern look)! So much has happened since these pictures were taken 20 years ago...if only I knew back then what I know now. (I would have jumped...just kidding!)

For My Techie Friends

The Medieval Help Desk...

Remember

Laid awake, eyes open most the night
The alarm forgot to ring
Running late I microwave yesterday’s coffee
Can’t find a mug to bring
Cold outside, I accidentally grab your scarf
Just can’t seem to purge a thing
It makes me remember, yes, I remember

Out of groceries, picked up a few
Couldn’t find that penny at the bottom of my purse
Thought I saw you in the parking lot
That just made it worse
Probably a good thing it wasn’t you
The words I haven’t yet rehearsed
Trying to remember, yes, I remember

Clicked the button, the garage door opens
And then our song came on
Sat there in the car, listening
I’m feeling so withdrawn
Thinking of the times we laughed
I just can’t seem to recall one
But then I remember, yes, I remember

Watched the news, my heart still aches
Too many deaths unexplained
You used to watch me watch the news
Until your loyalty feigned
Now even if you were here right now
I’m not sure trust could be regained
Don’t want to remember, yes, I remember

Michelle Hix 2008

How To Forgive and Quit Your Bitchin'

Over the past few years, I have spent some time thinking about forgiveness and fortunately (or unfortunately) have had the opportunity to perfect the process. When I was younger, forgiving was all about making someone feel bad for what they did and then calling a truce when being mad got tired or I finally bullied them into repentance, ha ha. After the truce, I would still feel bad. And when you feel bad, you treat people badly. And when you treat people badly, well, you feel like crap. Vicious I tell ya! It wasn’t until I realized that forgiveness is a process that involves only one person (moi), that I truly began the process of forgiving people.

But what does forgiveness look like?
I will describe what it is for me, which may or may not follow the biblical, moral, or societal norm, but hey, that’s me!…its what I’ve got!

It’s nice when the catalyst for forgiveness is repentance…sort of gets the ball rolling…but let’ assume I don’t get that luxury. I can’t let myself continue to be the victim by waiting and being held captive to the other person’s indecisiveness to repent or the ignorance of their act. It simply slows down the process and makes forgiveness contingent upon someone else. This simply won’t do as I haven’t got all day!

Should we try to forget after we forgive?

Some say yes, but here’s my take. Forgiveness is a gift that brings inner healing. If we don’t forget, we can open this gift over and over. If we forget the act or the sin against us, we forget the gift also. And if we forget the sin or act, we blindly and unknowingly make ourselves vulnerable to the same sin again. And you ask…"shouldn’t we turn our other cheek to the perpetrator?" Yes, we should, we should make ourselves vulnerable with our eyes wide open and while holding the knowledge of the sin against us. I think this allows us to make better decisions and possibly even prevent the act of wrong doing against us…or at least it prepares me to box your ass if you get out of line.

How it’s done!

Well, for me anyway, after a period of feeling badly, I make the conscious decision to stop sulking, I bite my pouty lip back in, unfold my arms and get off the fainting couch…the drama is over. I say to myself “I can forgive you”. This usually occurs in the shower, where I do most of my brainstorming and some of my critical thinking for the day. Then I make a mental list (no paper in shower) of things that I like about this person, things that they have done for me, ways that they add to my life, things that I appreciate about them, and really neat shit that they have bought me over the years. I am making this sound simple, but honestly, this could add up to a month of showers. Sometimes my husband opens the water bill and says “Who were you mad at this month?” You just never know until you start the process. Each day, I add good thoughts about this person and slowly let myself think less of the knife in my back. This process starts out very deliberately, but then something natural takes over and I start doing it without any effort and without even realizing that I am doing it. Once it becomes more natural, I’m pretty much over the hump, rounding third and almost home free. The power of positive thinking is nothing short of amazing and the law of attraction starts to apply by bringing peace to my life through my own thoughts. After which, I simply hand the knife back to them and say “I’m only giving this back to you because I love you."

At a Loss for Words

This might make an inmate ask for solitary confinement.

Better Than I Deserve

Today I was reading Just Shemley and he has been blogging about “Emotional Labor”…the term used to describe a form of emotional regulation used in corporations so that employees present a uniform “fake” emotion to all customers in order to stay consistent to an organizational rule or organization-wide emotion. As a society, we have adopted this behavior and use it daily when someone asks us the question “how are you?” We simply reply “fine thanks, and you?” Instead of being genuinely interested in how someone is or genuinely interested in telling someone how we are, we just find it easier to not be bothered.

As I was reading, I was reminded of when I worked in the tech industry. Before I was a writer, I was managing a building for the same company. I was usually one of the first people in the building and many times the last to leave at night. Several high level managers were also there early/late. One day, one of them changed my life.

Early in the morning as I walked by his office, he said “Hi Michelle, how are you?” Now, this is a very very busy man. Very busy.

I replied with the usual “fine thanks, how are you” and kept walking.

Then I hear “No…Michelle…come back…REALLY, HOW ARE YOU”?

Ashamed, I backed up and stopped at his office door. He asked me to come in and sit down. So I did. At that time he asked me again how I was and we started a conversation and a friendship that has carried on till this very day, years after we have stopped working together. I always look forward to having a conversation with him.

Some years later, I was introduced to the ministry of Dave Ramsey. For those of you who don’t know of him, Dave Ramsey has a radio program and a financial ministry called Financial Peace University. Hubby and I took his 13 week course many years ago after the purchase of our first home.

When someone asks Dave Ramsey “how are you”…he replies “Better than I deserve”. I always thought that this was a good response because it makes people ask “why?". Its not your typical response. The bible teaches that the blood of Christ is a covenant sign that God not treat our sins as they deserve to be treated. It says that the fullness of God’s wrath has already been cast on Christ and because of that we are spared. You can choose to believe it or not…but either way…that leaves us sittin’ pretty good don’t cha think? How cool is that?

But seriously, “Better than I deserve” is probably true for me most of the time (or all of the time biblically speaking) and I don’t mind being reminded of that…I am one lucky girl!

So when someone asks you “how are you?”…think about your response…you have many opportunities every single day to change your answer to something other than “fine thanks.”

I wish that as a society, we would just stop using the question. It just doesn't seem to make any sense that we'd keep asking a question that we can predict the answer to 99/100 times.

I've Been All Over the World This Week with a Man Named Graham (shhh...don't tell my husband)

I'm sorry the frequency of my posts have slowed down. I'm having a tough week. No inspiration. I have however, been reading your blogs fiercely! Which is really my favorite thing to do, especially after a long day. A new blog I have been really enjoying is One Man's Travel Blog. There are a lot of travel blogs out there but I specifically enjoy reading about Graham's adventures because of the way he writes and the amazing stories he tells through his pictures. His desire to experience the world and its cultures are so heartfelt and intense. I love to see it through his eyes. I think Graham must leave a piece of his heart everywhere he goes in order to make room for how much he brings home to share.

Six Word Stories

Okay folks, time to lighten things up a bit. Below are some six word stories that I wrote once upon a time. Never heard of a six word story? Basically, you have to tell a story in exactly six words. Pretty simple. Its not a statement or a quote. Its a story with, if possible, a beginning, middle, and end or at least six words that represent a much larger concept that plays out in the reader's mind. Try one yourself and post it in my comments.

- Open. Scoop. Brew. Pour. Sip. Ahhh.

- Poop. Poop. Scoop. Poop. Poop. Scoop. (for all you cat lovers)

- Stumble. Fall. Forgiven. Repeat as necessary!

- Can I push this button? oops.

- Negative. Negative. Finally two pink lines!

- Order when ready...Pumpkin latte please!

- Gaze. Smile. Touch. Sigh. Tingle. Melt.

- Pine. Velvet. Flowers. Dirt. Goodbye love.

- Fall. Catch. I'll always be there.

- Ouch. Mom. Kiss. Bandaid. Koolaid. Hug.

- Gasp. Beat. Skip. I love you.

- Friendship. Passion. Love. Baby makes three.

- Hang up. No you go first.

- Eyes closed tight. Pony please. Blow.

- And just like that…she vanished.

- Colonel Mustard…caught with murder weapon.

- Will you? Yes. I’d be honored.

- For sale. One water spout. Too rainy.

- Knock knock. Come in. Thanks Peter.

RIP Major Andrew Olmsted

Each day, many good men and women die. Yesterday was no different, except that one of those deaths was a man who was tragically plucked from this earth while making my life a safer one to live.

Andrew Olmsted was a husband, a son, a writer, a soldier, a friend to many...the list goes on and on. Today, people all over the world are celebrating his life and mourning his death.

Death was no stranger to Andrew. He was an American Soldier in Iraq.

Andrew enjoyed blogging and also wrote for the Rocky Mountain News here in Colorado. You can find his blog posts on countless blogs all over the Internet including Obsidian Wings, All Things Conservative, and of course, his own blog Andrew Olmsted.

Andrew's final blog post was posted today by his friend Hilzoy. This was a final goodbye that he wrote several months ago in anticipation of his own death, of course hoping that Hilzoy would never have the need to post it.

Read it here Final Post.

In his final post, Andrew asks that his death not be used to further any political agenda. I respect that.

And I say, thank you Andrew, for I am living because you were willing to die.

Obama/Huckabee Iowa Victories

Seriously? Huckabee? Is that really even a name? I can't even say it without feeling like I have a hairball in my throat. And good golly why does it have to rhyme with so many other words like suckabee and schmuckabee and garbage truckabee and ... what's that other word it rhymes with? You can fill in the blanks. Oh yeah, by the way, if he wins I am going to upchuckabee.

Photography

I enjoy photographs and paintings of people more so than landscape. Here's a link to one of the best photographer's I've ever come across...he also has one of the best photography sites out there. He makes you want to know their stories...

Jeremy Cowart

Training Notes

Week 1 - Day 2

Workout: Treadmill Run

Pre-workout Meal: Banana & probiotic mango juice (unfortunately pasteurized but I was too lazy to juice)

Workout state of mind: "I am doing this...I am really doing this." 15 minutes into my run, that thought was replaced with "This is boring...this is really boring." 30 minutes into my run the thought was again replaced, this time with "I wonder if my butt cheeks jiggle when I run and are the people behind me watching my butt cheeks jiggle?" Later, in the locker room while standing in front of the mirror, I tried to run in place while looking back at the cheeks...it was inconclusive.

Time: 33 minutes

Distance: 3 miles

Well, not bad for my first day of training. I wanted to kind of take it easy. Although obviously I need to beef up those 3 miles to 4-6, I wanted to start out a little slow. I varied my pace between a 10 and a 12.5 minute mile. Broke a sweat somewhere about 15 minutes into the run and then I felt really good. My right hip was a little tight so I will plan to stop short of hurting it (not sure where its coming from since I've never had a hip issue) in the future and hope it gets stronger before I start running longer distances. My only problem was boredom. Since I was in the front row of treadmills at the Bally Fitness Meat Market, I didn't have anything to look at except the wall. It was torture. I'd much rather run outside but it was soooo cold this morning. Half way into the run I started conjuring up exhilarating images in my head to keep me energized...images of me jumping off a cliff and falling really far before I pull my parachute just to get my adrenaline flowing. But then I got so bored I imagined myself accidentally tripping and taking a nose dive off a cliff without a parachute. Tomorrow I need to move to the back row of treadmills for the eye candy factor and I need to borrow my husband's tiny little iPod.

"Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must outrun the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning in Africa, a lion wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the slowest gazelle, or it will starve. It doesn't matter whether you're a lion or gazelle - when the sun comes up, you'd better be running."
- Unknown

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Mark actually had to wake me up to go to this New Year's Eve Party!

I'm just not used to starting my night sooo late.

(hence the flat hair and the drool on my chin)

The Night I Almost Went To Hell

Some time ago I had a dream. No not a dream, a nightmare. It scared the hell out of me so much that I couldn’t even write it down because I was too scared to think about it. I wish I had written it down because it was the most detailed account of what hell must be like that I could have imagined. Here’s a brief description of it:

In my dream, it was me against three demons. I’m not sure what they were but I knew for sure in my dream that they represented hell. I was standing in the backyard of someone’s house, a friend maybe but that was never really established in my dream. It wasn’t my house, that’s all I know. I was facing the fence shared by the neighbor. On the other side of the fence were the three demons.

How can I explain these demons? My trouble in explaining them comes from the fact that I can’t explain the depth of hatred that they had for me well enough. These demons had so much hatred for me that they blasted their hatred on me like a megaphone would blast sound if it were next to your ear. I felt so much fear that my throat held no voice to scream. I felt the inside of my body trying to run while the outside of my stayed to fight. And God, the smell, the smell of hatred…oh, yes, there is a smell that is indescribable! The smell of hell and hatred is so wretchedly sour, so strong that it burns your eyes and your nose, and grips your throat like two hands choking you with such force as intended to suffocate you, break your neck, pulling the flesh from your spinal cord and draining the life from your body.

The demons were so ugly that calling them demons sounds silly to me, like there should be a name for them that is so much worse, so much more descriptive than demon. They were tall and their skin was hard. Their heads were large. Their teeth were sharp and dripped with a sort of vomit colored liquid that never stopped running out of their hot, steamy mouths. God they hated me. I could feel how much they hated me. That was the scariest part. Feeling the hatred come over me like a thousand thick blankets trying to mop up the clean air around me and saturate my surroundings with hatred.

In my dream, I seemed to have two goals. The first was that I had to somehow find my words because I knew that I couldn’t fight them physically. I knew that I somehow had to find the words “Jesus is Lord”. Now, for those of you who know me, you know that yes, I am a believer…but that is not a sentence that you would hear being yelled from my lips on a regular day. Ha ha. But for some reason, I knew in my dream that that statement was my only defense. The second goal was to not let them over the fence because somehow I knew that the amount of hatred they had for me enabled them to throw my body with such force, such strength, such speed that my flesh would literally rip, stretch and burn from my bones and turn to liquid.

In addition, I knew that their only goal was to throw me. I knew that was how I was to die. They weren’t going to eat me with their huge jaws. They weren’t going to thrash me with their long, long sharp fingernails. They weren’t going to beat me with their scaly hands. They were going to throw me and laugh when my skin ripped off and then they were going to take my soul to hell.

Needless to say, I woke up terrified. Terrified to sleep. Terrified to let myself think about the nightmare. Terrified to breathe for fear that they might hear me and snatch me back into the nightmare.

It totally sucked!

13 Hellish Miles!

That's what January 1st means to me! In May I will be embarking on my first Half Marathon. Although I have ran 13 miles before, this will be my first official half marathon. Oh, and I haven't ran 13 miles all at one time for uh, lets see, uh yeah, about 13 years or so. Who's crazy frickin idea was this??? Oh wait, that would be Francine's crazy frickin idea.

So tonight I decided to start planning my training program for the next 4 months. The beginner program, which is moi, requires me to run about 20 miles a week. Crap. I quit.

Okay, no I don't quit. But Sweet Jesus isn't there another way to train for this thing besides running every day? Can someone please be my coach? I just need you to come over to my house every day, smack my face with a few pillows until I get out of bed, feed me a power breakfast (none of that blender stuff though), shove me in front of a mirror and point out my flaws, then drag me to the pavement and kick my ass for 3 miles a day (more like 4 -6 miles a day if I follow the real training program).

I'm Baaaaack!

Where my friends at? How was everyone's holiday? I've got me some catchin' up to do!

Inside the Actors' Studio Questions

Answer the following questions James Lipton asks of his guests on Inside the Actors’ Studio, inspired by the French interviewer Bernard Pivot.

1. What is your favorite word? Share
2. What is your least favorite word? Maybe
3. What turns you on? Humor, honesty, smoldering passion, music, confidence.
4. What turns you off? Selfishness, ignorance, intolerance, greed, arrogance.
5. What sound or noise do you love? A surprised gasp, rain on a roof, a finger picked guitar, shutter from a camera.
6. What sound or noise do you hate? Nose blowing at a restaurant.
7. What is your favorite curse word? wtf
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Writing or singing…I know, I know, I’m keeping my day job.
9. What profession would you not like to do? School teacher
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Your friends and family have been waiting for you.

Shhhh....This is What Santa is Bringing for Someone Special...

The girls and I made this custom guitar case for my stepdad for Christmas.