A Couple Quickies...

Found this over at Comedy Central...feel free to make up your own caption!

Here's mine: "So, you say this was in a box marked WMD in the dumpster behind the White House?"

This has nothing to do with the caption but I felt like posting it anyway.

In the late 90s, Bill Geerhart, a pop-culture historian decided to pose as a 10 year old boy named Billy writing letters to some of the most powerful and infamous figures in the country. But my favorite of his letters are those written to convicted killers and politicians. To read Billy's letters and the responses he got click here Billy's Letters

Make No Mistake

I've recently been asked by two people "why do you enjoy running?"

My reply - "I don't really."

I don't really enjoy running or exercising at all for that matter. I run for these reasons:

1) I can, and someday I won't be able to
2) I like the way it feels when I stop
3) I'd rather be outside running than inside a gym
4) Sometimes I need to just run out my frustration
5) Endorphins are a mental and physical trip
6) Nature

Hey, maybe I do enjoy running. Nah... just ask my friend Francine...I complained the entire last 4 miles we ran together the other day. I think I said things like "can we stop now?", "I think I'm dying", "I can't make it any further", "this sucks"...and she just kept running and so I had to keep up with her.

Sweet and Innocent?

Not so fast...does your cat love toilet paper?

The Story

Tracing lives
Through lips from soul do tell
Behold their flow
Not only in one heart to dwell

Passed down
Planted in generations we sow
Each time they are told
Through stories shared as a family grows

©2008 – Michelle Hix

That Will Teach Him To Mess With Me!

Here's a pic of the statues before I loaded them in my car.

We live at the end of a cul-de-sac. So to one side of our house is only a fence, no neighbors, and on the other side of the fence is just open space. Our house also backs to open space. Just shortly after midnight last night, our doorbell rings several times. Both hubby and I freak out a little because both of our kids are away at sleepovers and of course the first thing that comes to mind is "something's wrong". He runs downstairs and opens the door while I peek out the shades in the bedroom to see if there is a car in the driveway. No car. Hubby yells up to me "are you expecting any statues?" I go downstairs to find that someone has stolen 2 cement statues and a clay pot and placed them on my porch. I'm still shaking from having the crap scared out of me but I had to laugh.

I am however, quite amazed that whoever did this was capable of ringing, running and jumping the 6 foot fence as quickly as he did without me seeing him out the window. Especially since the fence is up a hill a bit and he has to run through rocks and bushes to jump it. How badly does this person want to trick me? Enough to risk getting hurt?

Okay, so ha ha funny, let's go back to sleep.

15 minutes later...

"door bell" "door bell" "door bell" "door bell"

Crap! Not again! This time we quickly look out the window, but nobody is there.

We go downstairs, no new statues, but I'm growing quite fond of the ones currently sitting on my porch.

This time, Hubby goes back to sleep....mwaaaaahahaha....but I don't!

I sit, with the window open, quietly watching. Holy cow, oh my goodness, oh crap, here he comes...I see his head...then his body slither over my fence...crap what do I do? He's very tall, wearing a hooded sweatshirt and it covers his face. Crap! He is frickin brave!!!!! and tall...

I ran downstairs as fast as I could, and all in one motion, swing open my front door lunging out on the porch and screaming at the top of my lungs at him right as he is knocking on my door. If the statues weren't in the way, I would have landed on him! He ran soooooo fast!!!!

I then went back in the house and fell over laughing...I was doubled over cracking up for about 10 minutes...can you just imagine this big guy being scared of me? Oh I am laughing right now just thinking about him. Hubby by the way, thinks I'm a little crazy.

Next time this happens though...I'm going to put some clothes on before I lunge out on the porch!

Intrahouse Calling

So, last night, I'm laying in bed flipping channels back and forth between South Park and the Travel Channel and I realize I have my cell phone next to me for some reason. This is odd because I rarely use my cell phone (just ask my friends who try to reach me). I'm just one of those "don't like to talk in public, always keep my phone on vibrate" kind of people." I never bug my husband at work, in fact probably only call him once ever three days...we don't do the "check in" thing like many couples I know, and he almost never bugs me at work...ha ha.

(doo-doo-doo) doo-doo-doo- doo-doo-doo-doo

That's me dialing up hubby in his office (in the basement)

Hubby: What are you doing?

Me: Watching the Travel Channel...What are you doing?

Hubby: Looking at Blue Prints, lot's to finish, I'll be down here a while...where are you?

Me: In bed

Hubby: Be there in five seconds

Me: Hey...this cell phone thing is kind of neat

#1 Mom Super Power? Ability to Forget That You Too, Must Be Fed

Tuesdays are somewhat crazy around here each week. We've not yet completed homework and we have swim team. After two hours of sitting in a humid building watching the girls wear themselves out dolphin style we shower, run to the car and head for the library. We always have books to return and there's this weird little voice in my head that says "must check out more" whenever I return books. Does it matter that they stack up on my front seat? Does it matter that I can't find my alarm clock some mornings because it is hidden under library books? Does it matter that we have books on stairs and books in bathrooms and books under couches? Apparently not, until the automated library lady calls me and says "This-is-the-Coll-ege-Hill-Li-brar-y-Call-ing"..."you-have-"6" books-o-ver-due"..."to-list-them-by-ti-tle, press-one". I'm trying to establish some plan of keeping the books on one level of the house or maybe contained to a section of the house or maybe making the kids wear them on their heads for good posture while not reading them so that we don't lose track of them. I'll let you know how that goes.

By the time we leave the library, it is quite late and everyone is in the .... "mooooom, I'm staaaarrrrving to death" mode. So in an effort to simplify my life, Tuesdays is also our eat out night. Let me define eat out. Eat out means we are running by King Soopers and picking up deli chicken to go. So this week, standing at the deli I am calculating how many pieces and which type of chicken and who wants what and so forth. I know, it's a tough job...bite me. When we get home I plop some "Chicken Not Made By Me" and side dishes onto plates (I bet you thought I made them eat it out of the bag huh?) and say "eat up"! My oldest daughter looks at me in confusion, which I don't notice because, well, everyone looks at me that way. "Mom"?, she says..."What are you going to eat?" Oops.

I Received Royal Mail Today!

All the way from the UK, Hayley sent me Milky Buttons! OMG! Creamy white chocolate to die for! I have one package left for the hubby...shhh...do you think he'll believe me if I say there was only three in the envelope? Thank you Hayley!

The Chicken, Er Rather the Flamingo, Has Flown the Coup!

I am going downtown for my last tattoo removal procedure today. My badass flamingo tattoo is now a faded memory. As I sat on the floor of my closet this morning thinking about what shorts to wear since it is going to be 78 glorious degrees in Colorado (what? You don’t do that too?), I had to laugh about something. Someone should tell kids that all the fun things you spend money on as a teenager you will someday spend money to undo. Vicious when that comes back to bite ya I tell ya!

Casablanca

Have you seen it? I haven't. You know why? This is really silly. I've always wanted to see it. In fact, I own it. But I am holding out. I have this crazy idea that I'm supposed to watch it with someone who says "Casablanca is my favorite movie". Seriously! It's so much more fun to watch a movie that is someone's favorite movie. And I know, I know, I know I'm going to love this movie and I just keep holding out for the right time, place and person! So, do you think I should watch it by myself? Or keep holding out?

The Most Perfect Day

If you live in Colorado, you have to agree that today, April 13th 2008, was the most glorious day ever! In approximately 1/2 hour, the most amazing sun to ever rise will set on the most beautiful pink snow capped mountains to ever scrape the colorful Colorado sky. I think I shall never forget this day.

This morning I went for a 2 hour walk. I had originally planned to take the girls ice skating (a favorite childhood pastime of mine). But hubby decided to take them to play tennis and to run errands. That left me with the morning and the afternoon to do whatever I wanted. So off I trekked down my usual jogging path.

For some reason, … oh wait, there was a reason…oh yes, because of all the exhaust, I decided to take a detour from my regular route. I headed under a bridge and onto a path that took me along a dry creek. Being that I started out really happy to be alone, I was kind of surprised that at this moment I kept thinking how nice it would have been to have someone to walk with down this path. There were so many things to share.

Along the way I heard and then saw a woodpecker diligently pecking at a tree. I saw a two year old little girl playing in her backyard. She summoned me to play with her on her swing set and I had to decline of course. I saw an old man in a Jazzy wheelchair with a license plate that read “bitchin”. I cracked up laughing at some folks with a really nice lawn, watering their grass and unfortunately, the fresh laundry that was on their clothesline. I saw 10 handmade wooden plank bridges that crossed the dry creek. I saw 60 foot trees. I saw lots of dogs and imagined myself letting them all out of their yards so they could follow me down the path. I saw daffodils, tulips and crocus springing from the ground.

I closed my eyes and listened to the far away traffic and imagined it to actually be waves from the ocean. It’s a very similar sound when the wind is blowing a cool clean breeze and the sun is warm on your face. Then I went home and washed my car. It was a good car washing day.

It was perfect. I can’t wait for tomorrow.

Removed

Hope

Good morning little sunshine
Light flows through your window
Casting life upon your cheeks
I wonder if the sun knows
Nothing will ever be the same
How the world has changed
Now that it speaks your name

©2008 – Michelle Hix

My Dreams are Confirming My Midlife Crisis

So last night I was discussing with my mother, my fears about raising my kids in this economy and in this America that I grew up in. I personally have never known first hand what it means to be disadvantaged in any way. Although times were tough when I was a child, times were good. Growing up, opportunities presented themselves as I worked hard for the life I wanted. I got married to someone who knew of the same and we've built a solid foundation for our family.

But I can't help but worry, to the point of having nightmares last night about the America my children are going to see in their lifetime. Okay, actually, last night was not quite a nightmare, but everyone in my dream was discussing the "gross national product" for what seemed to be hours so that is basically a nightmare right?

So when I woke up, I literally had to Google GNP because I wasn't even quite sure of what the gross national product was!!! What does that say about me if I am 1) dreaming about something I can't define 2) dreaming about an acronym 3) dreaming about economics (yuck) 4) worried to the point of dreaming about something ?

I feel like my president has spent trillions of dollars that weren't his to spend and my kids are going to be left to clean up his oil spill. I think my generation in America has no concept of how easily our children and grandchildren could be left in a world to deal with economic, technological, sociocultural and political problems that my generation has created for them by living and consuming in excess of what is ours. We've taken all too often without giving back to this world.

My Response to the Email Going Around About Michele Obama

This is a response to an email that someone forwarded to me today. The email is attacking Michele Obama's thesis that she wrote when she was 20 years old at Princeton. It has been circulating for a while but I decided that today was the day to finally break my silence about it.

I first want to attempt to establish my own personal feelings about some of this before I back it up with fact. As I read your email, I know that it is no coincidence that you sent it to me today. You see, just this morning, my daughter and I were reading together about a black family living in Mississippi at the height of the depression. As I choked back tears, I had to explain to her the difference between lynching and hanging, though at that point it was difficult to even speak with the lump that sat in my throat. I had to explain to her how a black child might have felt when receiving her first book at the age of 12, a book that had been documented on the inside cover to be owned by 10 other white children until the condition of it was poor enough to be handed down to a Nigro child. We discussed why the black children had to work on plantations when not in school, couldn’t ride the school bus, and went to a school separated from whites. We talked about how the basic human rights of education available to whites was not available to black children and how that would effect their chances to prosper and where did that leave the characters in the book and their future children and grandchildren. And that was all before we even got to chapter 3. So when I read in your email where someone states:

"Michele Obama clearly has a chip on her shoulder."

I can only think that this statement was made by someone without a heart and without knowledge and without concern for humanity but only for a concern for himself. I believe I am not alone. I believe that many white people, completely removed from the civil rights movement carry a burden for the descendants of the slaves (just as we also carry a burden for the descendants of the holocaust). We are fooling ourselves to think that if you weren’t a slave, then you shouldn’t be affected by it. This brings me to an obvious present-day example of when Bill O’Reilly states:

"I don't want to go on a lynching party against Michelle Obama unless there's evidence, hard facts that say this is how the woman really feels.”

Wouldn’t you have a “chip” on your shoulder, is there no part of you that would be angry, doesn’t she have the right to be hurt, being a descendant of slavery and living in a world where people say things like this on a daily basis? Damn straight she probably has a chip on her shoulder! And so do I! How sad that people feel that she doesn’t deserve to be publicly hung so long as she isn’t “angry” or have a chip on her shoulder. So long as she isn’t an “uppity negro” as they describe in our book, Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry, where black people were described as “uppity” if they actually felt like they deserved to be treated like a human. And Jack, I know you know all of this and none of my passion about this is directed at you, I am merely speaking to everyone out there who making these statements and well, I get a little crazy when I read about it.

Okay, so now on to some facts. First of all, I don’t believe the first lady actually has to have any qualifications other than knowing how to purchase a good suit and smile at the media but reality is that the white house has seen some pretty awesome first ladies come and go from Eleanor to even Hillary (regardless of how I feel about her personally). But damn, if anyone has ever been more qualified for the position than Michele Obama then I’d like to see some resumes. Her education and her experience are so incredibly significant and impressive. I mean, come on, can we just sit and laugh for a minute at McCain’s wife’s qualifications and experience?

When it comes to Michele’s thesis, I first have to say that the quotes are taken out of context of course. How many people who are appalled by her statements have actually read her very long and dry thesis? Not fun reading and I seriously doubt many have even gotten through the first 50 pages. In her thesis, Michele conducts a survey of 89 black Princeton graduates. Some of the quotes are presented as Michele’s personal philosophy but when you read her thesis, you realize that it is merely speculation about what her surveyed respondents felt. To dissect her thesis is more involved than taking a few statements out of context and saying that that is what she stands for. This is not a black militant procolmation. She was 20 years old and writing about cultural alientation in a society with racism within her educational institution and about her fight for inclusion. This was based upon material that was part of her graduate program and from her classes taught in her course of study. This is not a random paper she wrote out of hatred.Let’s just for a moment take a look at some of Michele’s experience graduating from Princeton . After getting her undergraduate from Princeton and her Law degree from Harvard she went to work for the white mayor of Chicago, Richard M. Daley and at the University of Chicago under a white university president. Her actions speak louder to me than anything. In addition, she met Barack, where they both worked as the ONLY african americans at their law firm.

Also in the email it states:

"PS: We paid for her scholarship."

If we are going to say this like we personally paid for her scholarship then let’s also be fair in saying that she has been a taxpayer for 20 years.

The last thing I want to address is the hullabaloo over this statement that she made:

“For the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country.”

She is not saying that she has never felt proud of her country. She is saying that for the first time, she is REALLY proud of her country. Small words, huge difference. As a nation, we are debating using torture as a tactic to get prisoners to talk. We’ve seen our Presidents be sexually inapprpriate out of marriage with a young girl and lie about it, we’ve seen our Presidents continue to send troups to Iraq while over a million people die in our hands, we’ve gone through the Iran contra affair and watergate and countless other embarrassing moments in US history. How can anyone be really proud while knowing all this? She is merely saying, in light of the past , now she now feels hope, now she feels really proud because we are not allowing this behavior to continue. I feel the same way. She’s being honest and transparent, two virtues that past presidents and first ladies have not held and she’s expressing opinions shared by many people of her generation. What she’s saying is meaningful and powerful and directed at politics. I believe that Michele is patriotic. I believe that she loves America and pride and love don’t necessarily have to go together. I can love something that I am not proud of. Now let’s look at her quote more in full context:

"What we've learned over this year is that hope is making a comeback. It is making a comeback and let me tell you something, for the first time in my adult lifetime, I'm really proud of my country. And not just because Barack has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change. And I have been desperate to see our country moving in that direction and just not feeling so alone in my frustration and disappointment. I've seen people who are hungry to be unified around some basic common issues, and it's made me proud. And I feel privileged to be a part of even witnessing this, traveling around states all over this country and being reminded that there is more that unites us than divides us..."

She’s not even saying at any point that she was un-proud. She’s saying that through it all, she’s finally feeling really proud. And the fact that people will take one word or one statement from her speech and use it to try to twist her intentions and destroy her integrity is sad.

Well, I hope that has shed some new light on things. You know me… I’m speaking as a human, not as a politician or as someone who even knows anything about politics. I’m not quite sure why I get so emotionally involved in this stuff. Last night some friends started discussing the war and I felt my eyes well up and my blood pressure started to rise because they were talking about how our military doesn’t have any rights and they can’t shoot people unless shot at first. When I started to question their statements they said “whose side are you on?”

Over a million Iraqi’s are dead.

They didn’t even know there was a side!

Sex Education Report

Older daughter gave me the report after school today:

Mom: Soooo, how was school?

Older daughter: Good

Mom: Soooo, how was puberty class?

Older daughter: It was cool.

Mom: Soooo, what did you talk about?

Older daughter: Well, basically, you can't bleed to death.

Mom: Soooo, did you talk about penises?

Older daughter: Only once. Oh, guess what? Boys have two holes and girls have three.

In walks younger daughter....

Younger daughter: Butthooooole

Mom and Older daughter in unison: What????

Younger daughter: Butthooooole

Mom: Okay, well there you have it. Sex ed according to my 6 year old means one thing. Let's talk about your butthole.

This is a Penis

I sit here contemplating not waking my daughter up in the morning so that she will miss her field trip tomorrow. You see, 5th grade is a formative year for us. We’ve bought our first bra (for her, not me) and deodorant this year and now I’m about to send her off in the morning to learn about penises. Yes, I really said that…penises. Say it with me now, penises. Okay, I feel better. NOT! Tomorrow is her “New Me” class or rather her “Puberty” class. I was prepared for it…so I thought, until she came home with the talk outline and permission slip, which reads as follows:

I. What is Puberty?
II. When does Puberty start?
III. What causes Puberty to start?
IV. Changes that happen to boys:

a. Voice deepens
b. Growth
c. Hair
d. Muscle Development
e. Sweat and Body Odor
f. Acne
g. Emotions
h. Interests
i. Sperm
j. Erections
k. Ejaculations
l. Wet Dreams
m. Temporary Breast Development

V. Changes that Happen to Girls

a. Voice Deepens
b. Growth
c. Hair
d. Sweat and Body Odor
e. Acne
f. Emotions
g. Interests
h. Breast Development
i. Menstrual Periods

VI. Changes that Happen to Parents

What??? I thought we were going to talk about pads, you know, flexi-wings and tampons! Not penises, ejaculations, wet dreams, sperm and erections!

"Always" a Good Laugh

This has circulated via email for quite some time but figured it was good for a laugh today even if you've read it before.

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors'choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your "Always" maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuardCore or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing? As Brand Manager in the Feminine Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants . . . which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong". Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Insomniac Writer

When I can't sleep, I write. I wish that I could sleep when I can't write.

Didn’t know you were setting my soul on fire
But I was aware of the spark
Sometimes it was a just a glance
A fleeting look that brought me to a smile
But many times your gaze was longer
A considerate pause
You’d stare and wait for me to share in your moment
I wonder how many times I missed it
How many times had you rested there
Waiting for me
I am sad for those times
But I accept the good of moments I didn’t miss
The times I couldn’t turn away
Your eyes make me beautiful
The fire takes everything
To have nothing left but the radiance of the blazing fire in my soul
Is all I need to last me until the ashes

©2008 – Michelle Hix

High Noon at the Killing Cove

Many of you probably remember last year when Hayden Panettiere made the news with her "paddle-out" along with pro Surfer Dave Rastovich to save the dolphins.

Each year in Taiji Japan, fishermen participate in the annual dolphin slaughter which results in the brutal bloodbath of thousands of dolphins. The hunter boats head out to sea and surround pods of dolphins. Then they bang metal poles placed in the water to disrupt the dolphins' sonar and disorienting them, causing them to swim to the "capture cove". In order to make the dolphin meat more tender, they let the dolphins relax in the netted "capture cove" overnight and then drive them to the "killing cove" where they are brutally speared and their spines are cracked.

Netscape founder Jim Clark and members of the U.S. conservation group Oceanic Preservation Society (OPS), with state-of-the-art technology and financed to the tune of $5 million by Clark, are trying to bring this inhumanity out in the open by producing a feature length film about the annual slaughter. (film due out this summer)

Click Here and Read This First

http://www.savejapandolphins.org/ - Facts and pictures

www.surfersforcetaceans.com - Surfers who respect and protect marine life

www.savethewhalesagain.com – Haydan Panettiere's Campaign

www.mindsinthewater.com – Visual Petition against the slaughter

www.dolphinproject.org – Ric O’barry’s site

Therapeutic Mud Bath...NOT!

I took the girls to the hills to spend Spring Break with their grandparents. Things got a little sticky on the way up. I got stuck in mud. My mom and the kids radioed for help and the fire department towed me out (okay, yes my dad is the fire department).

Sign The McCain FEC Complaint Letter

John McCain's campaign spending is breaking the law. He elected for public funding when his campaign was having trouble. But now that he is the presumptive nominee, he is, by his campaign's own admission, around $4 million over his legal spending limit.

I just did my part to stop McCain from breaking the law by signing the official FEC complaint against him.

Please help out by adding your name here:

Sign Petition

Thanks!

This Actually Makes More Sense Than The American Presidential Elections

The Morally Gifted…Never a Short Cut to Raising a Child

Older Child: Mom, are you sure we are going the right way?

Mom: Trust me; I’m just taking a short cut.

Younger Child: This doesn’t look like a short cut.

Mom: What does it look like?

Older Child: The wrong way.

Mom: Have a little faith girls, this is just the back way; I know where I am going.

Older Child: What did that sign say?

Mom: Well, it said that the road is closed unless you live down this road, then you can go this way. Sometimes you just have to take the road less traveled.

Older Child: Yeah, closed roads tend to be less traveled plus we don’t live down this road so the sign doesn't apply to us. (ahhh, what would I do without captain obvious?)

Younger Child: Are we almost there? Is this still the short way?

Mom: Really, it will be fine; I’ll just go around this barricade.

Older Child: Mom, you are going to get us arrested.

Mom: They don’t arrest kids. Don’t be so dramatic. (okay, she might get this from me)

Younger Child: Nobody else is going this way.

Older Child: They are going to put us in hand cuffs when they arrest us.

Mom: It’s just a detour. Relax, we are almost there.

Older Child: Oh, no mom, the road is turning to dirt. You have to turn around.

Mom: Just a little road work here, nothing we haven’t seen before, not exactly time to break out the four wheel drive.

Older Child: Mom no, turn around, please!

Mom: One more barricade to drive around and we are home free girls.

Younger Child: Wahoo…this is fun!

Older Child: Well mom, how does it feel? Do you think it really is a short cut when you take your children through a crime scene?

When Life Lays an Easter Egg...

Make Egg Salad! Sitting in my fridge today were 36 brightly dyed Easter eggs. Not wanting them to go to waste, and not particularly wanting to serve hard boiled eggs for every meal for the next 3 days, I decided to make roast chicken, fruit and walnut, egg salad. How can something be so simple to make and taste so yummy?

Tonight I went to the gym for my first real post-bronchitis workout. Thanks to Fran and Todd for the inspiration today. I had originally planned to hit the pavement with Fran this afternoon but what do you know…it started to snow. For a moment I thought I was saved by the little white flakes but then I got the “just do it” email from Todd and decided I was out of excuses.

There were 7 people at Bally's tonight.

1. Parachute Man – Wearing the parachute pants that sing “Can’t Touch This” that would even embarrass Mc Hammer. I wanted to grab him by the wife beater and say “I haven’t wanted to touch that since 1987 now take off those damn pants for goodness sakes you look like a moron!”

2. Paula Barbella – Taking up valuable he-man space in the free weight room wearing a leotard and lifting those little itsy bitsy 2.5 lb. barbells. She’s going to stand there and do 9,000 reps but you know she couldn’t do one chin up if you were dangling a chicken wing in front of her.

3. Yo Adrian – This is that guy that has his hands all taped up to lift weights just in case he feels the need to break out into shadow boxing. He also likes to grunt when he lifts letting you participate in his microtrauma. He grunts when he grabs the bar, grunts when he picks it up, grunts as he lifts it, grunts as he puts it down. Every time he grunts I think he might be trying to shadow box my ass and so I duck. Only Lou Ferrigno could ignore the grunting. (sorry that was mean). On top of it all, he has no concept of concentric and eccentric lifting and jerks his weight around with every grunt.

4. The Doublmint Twins – This is the team up. You know, where two guys lift together and spot each other. Awe how nice. One guy loads while the other guy lays down on the bench spitting into his palms, preparing for the lift. After the first rep, they equally share the weight, where the guy spotting is actually lifting 200 lbs and the guy on the bench is pressing 200 lbs. Stop telling your friends that you bench 400 lbs. you dorks!

5. Gluteus Maximillian – “Hello, I am Max and I have laaarrrge round buttocks.” I’ve never actually seen the equipment that produces this ass but I am staying clear away from this man and any equipment he uses. No enhancements needed in this area thank you very much.

6. Schweaty Balls – No not Alec Baldwin…I should be so lucky. No, this is the guy that is using the nautilus machine next to me and has racked up the same weight as me, yet, to my shock and horror, he is dripping with sweat. Come on dude, have you seen my pectoralis major? Not exactly Schwarzenegger. You should not be sweating like that and you really shouldn’t be looking at me either you scrawny little pervert.

7. Boy Toy and His Girlfriend – “Hmmm, honey, should we go to a party tonight or workout at the gym?” “Both you say?” Let’s workout in our jeans so we’ll be all ready for the party as soon as we’ve completed our togetherness workout. Oh, and please tell me when my crack is showing so that I can hike my jeans back up to the lower part of my ass to meet my boxer shorts. This boy is just begging me to give him a wedgie.

Okay, what else do I have to tell you before my Easter break…oh, oh, yes, I know. I get adult time with my husband next week. Yes, it’s actually spring break for the girls and I'm taking them to the hills to spend time with grandma and papa at the cabin. I get to spend 4 whole days with my man, alone! Wahoo! What will we ever do with our time?

You Know the V-8 Commercials?

Imagine me smacking this guy on the side of the head! (and then on the other side, and then right between his eyes)



And then imagine yourself voting Obama 08 so that we never have to deal with an administration that is worried about their own course more than the people's course!

On The Money!!!

This is sooooo me! Click Read My VisualDNA to find out why!

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Searching

Shuffling the streets
Peeking into the eyes of everyone we meet
Hoping a soul mate this path does beat
Yet only the sound of our own two feet

As they echo the empty sound
Of sad souls dying to be found
Heavy hearts too broken to resound
Too weak to feel the chest beat pound

And pound that thought if only one
Of how my life might come undone
At the rising of the sun
That bet the moon the sky and won

So sits alone and hangs her head
No rays of happiness does she spread
The moon he wanders up ahead
Lost his destiny sun to tread

With cries of mourning day and night
Never stopping in their flight
Neither one does sky invite
To betroth with love and solemn plight

And so it goes we search the land
For hearts and souls to understand
Our longing for bended knee and outstretched hand
To ring the finger in golden band

©2008-Michelle Hix

We The People

When I hear the words, "We The People", when I see the words "We The People", I always start to sing "We The People"...Remember the School House Rock song??? I'm a HUGE HUGE FAN! It's the only reason I can recite the preamble to our constitution and to be honest, 25 years ago was the foundation for my beginning to understand how and who formed America and how we declared our independence from England. Throughout the years, School House Rock was there to teach me about diversity, government, and sufferage, along with grammar, math and science and today I can sing all the songs word for word! I kid you not!

The beauty of "We The People" is that it is followed by "In Order To Form a More Perfect Union." A more perfect union. That was the goal of our founding fathers when they sat down to write the United States Constitution. I think our founding fathers understood that forming a more perfect union is a never-ending, always changing, process.

Barack Obama is the only candidate that can bridge gaps in this nation and begin to bridge gaps internationally. He's the only candidate that understands that forming a more perfect union is a road that probably never ends. While the other candidates are practicing their long DIVISION, he's practicing long VISION. (yes, I made that one up).

In the following speech he just delivered this morning, he explains his relationship with his pastor. And really, to me, it doesn't matter that it is his pastor. It matters to everyone against him, but to me he could be speaking about anyone who has a different experience, a different pain, or a different struggle than myself. Obama is the only candidate that can take a person's divisive statements (such as Wright's), condemn the words without condemning the man, and bridge the gap and call for unity between parties involved. Don't we want this man leading our county in the same manner? I do.

And if you'd rather read his words instead of watching, here's the speech.

A More Perfect Union Speech

Ummm....I'm Confused...

Are We Missing a Society? Where Do They Go When They Don't Last?

Why My Husband Gets To Look at Porn for a Year

Tonight's conversation went like this...

Me: Standing at his desk with hands on hips, right eyebrow raised and head tilted

Hubby: Whut? (with the "I've done nothing wrong" look on his face)

Me: (picking up his new calendar to inspect it) Ahem! Real nice hon...classy...a Sports Illustrated daily calendar? How is this a necessary office item?

Hubby: Babe, it's March. It was either that one or a Rush Limbaugh one.

Me: Good point. Where should we hang it?

Mid-Life Restructuring

How sad it is! I shall grow old, and horrid, and dreadful. But this picture will remain always young. It will never be older than this particular day of June. . . . If it was only the other way! If it was I who were to be always young, and the picture that were to grow old! For this–for this–I would give everything! Yes, there is nothing in the whole world I would not give!
Oscar Wilde

Welcome one and all to my mid-life crisis. You’ve been living it with me now since last November…bet you didn’t even know it did you?

I’m 37. Whew! Let me say that again…I’m 37. Slap. Slap. I’m 37? Why yes...yes I am.


Wake up before you die
Live before you sleep again
Rise and shine to yourself
Cease to being a guest in your own skin

©2008-Michelle Hix

“Old”, “horrid”, and “dreadful”. Those feelings and fear of aging have been disguised and gift wrapped all these years and tied with a pretty bow. It was such a nice package. But during the last couple of years, I have started to open the package and those feeling crept out. Wow, I was soooo not expecting this to happen at 37, 47 or even 97.. I would never be the type to have a mid-life crisis. Seriously! It has my friends baffled. They think I’m kidding. Since when did I ever second guess myself? My life? My worth? Never! Until I untied that pretty bow and peeked into the box.

Carl Jung identified 5 main phases of midlife:
• Accommodation (meeting others' expectations - actually, this takes place in the first part of life, but is the context in which midlife processes take place)
• Separation (rejecting the accommodated self)
• Liminality (a period of uncertainty, where life seems directionless and meanders)
• Reintegration (working out 'who I am' and becoming comfortable with that identity)
• Individuation (facing up to and accepting the undesirable aspects of our own character)

I feel like I am somewhere in between Reintegration and Individuation. But for me, Individuation seems to have come first. Some years ago, I started becoming acutely aware of the things about myself that I did not like. I started to think about the types of people and situations that bring out the personality traits in me that I would describe as ugly, monstrous and unworthy. I quickly realized that I was not going to get rid of these personality traits. Sorry, no can do. They are in me. They are a part of me. But in getting to know myself better, I was able to recognize and label my feelings and behaviors as such and embrace them for what they are…a part of me. Knowing these things about myself has helped me nurture the sides of myself that I do want to share with others more; creativity, humor, kindness, honesty. Hopefully, the ugly parts don’t rear their heads too often any more.

So what about “old”, “horrid”, and “dreadful”? Why is it that in the western world we are so fixated on youthfulness? I would really like to embrace this next epoch with vigor. I don’t want to see aging as a horrid event that must be put off or ignored. I don’t want to dread it. I suppose that is where the Reintegration comes in. Finding out truly who I am. Not what I do for a living or who my friends are but finding out who I really am at the very core of my existence and letting that person drive the next age.

I have a feeling I will be growing through this for years to come. Chances are, I’m not going to find me a young hottie on the side, buy a new sports car, or quit my job, but I am going to go through moments of questioning the validity of choices I’ve made and feelings of discontent with who I am. I think I’m okay with this.

This would all be a lot easier if I could just look extremely hot during the process!

I wanted to take a moment to thank my blog friends for seeing me through some tough times:

Poetikat – Thank you for being one step ahead of me and for schooling me on menopause and the lifecycle of diapers for young and old.

Elise – Thank you for reminding me that it’s okay to give your past a second chance.

Cocaine Princess – Thanks for showing me that although I might have been worthy of a tiny bathing suit at one time in my life, I no longer look like you in a bikini and the sooner I embrace the one-piece the better.

Shemley – Thanks for being you…a young and brilliant man who inhales life in it’s wholeness and realness RIGHT NOW.

Graham – Learning the story of your own mid-life adventures and awakening is inspiring.

Jeff – You are like a visitor from my past. With every post you remind me of what being youthful is all about.

Chris – Knowing you reminds me that there was a time in my life when my greatest problem involved “finding a new place to party.” Thanks for reminding me to not take life too seriously.

Organized Doodles (Rick) – Visiting you gives me the inspiration to keep doing the things I love, just because I love them.

Jen – What can I say…you are my posse of one in crime. We have a lot in common…sorry, not sure that’s a good thing for you.

Damama – You are that person, you know the one who makes lemonade out of lemons? That’s you. You’ve taken life by the horns, thrown out the bs, and rode off into the sunset! I have no idea what any of that means. But you do it well.

Mental Poo – Well, I’m sure I don’t know why I visit your blog other than to laugh until my guts hurt. It’s my therapy. Oh, and of course to offer a silent prayer for your lovely wife Mrs. Saint Mental Poo.

Sweets – You give such an insight to what it’s like for us mothers to be able to love our children more than ourselves.

Angel – Being able to identify with your relationship struggles with your son has helped me to know that writing about it is surviving it.

Hayley – My sweet darling Hayley. Just starting out. You are such a good wife. I love that about you.

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, "Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams." Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there.
Erma Bombeck

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one
John Lennon

Judge For Yourself - Okey Doke?

This is great.




2002 - That's when Barack Obama made this speech...he called it...here it is retold through the voices of his supporters.

What's With The Babies?

Seems like everytime someone takes a picture of me, I'm holding a baby. A friend took this pic of Mark and I at Christmas.

Yes!

I finally did it today... broke 70!
71 words

Speedtest

Some Grass, Some Roots, a Barn and a Tie

Today was the Adams County Democratic Convention and Assembly. Quite an interesting process. They say that the whole thing is very "grass roots" but when you meet with 1,000 other people in a barn, well, it can't get more grass roots than that. We met in the exhibit hall which is basically like a really really big barn. With over 1,000 delegates elected at the caucus that attended today, we had a great turn out.

The most exciting part of the day was the announcement of our preference poll for the presidential nomination. Obama received 497 votes. Hillary received 497 votes. I kid you not! What are the chances?

I expected the day to be pretty uneventful but luckily for my people watching enjoyment, Adams County has some delegates that were possibly just reintroduced back into society from under the rock they've been living and so I was quite entertained.

They Say You Get Better With Practice...

...but I took this typing test about 12 times...this was the best I could do! Damama got 71!!!



69 words

Speed test

68 words

Speed test

67 words

Speedtest

No More Mr. Tough Guy (I mean gal)

I'm officially sick! Felt it coming on Monday at work...the achy joints, goosebumps on top of goosebumps at the slightest hint of a breeze, and loss of appetite (which is rare...maybe I'm dieing.) Tuesday, I almost stayed in bed all day except for the fact that I got up early, got the kids showered and ready for school, and then drove them to school while still in my pajamas and my hair looking like Don King's (you know you want my life) because the carpool canceled (fine day for a cancellation huh?) By the time I got back home, the last thing I really wanted to do was just lay in bed staring at the ceiling but I could feel my body begging me NOT to clean house so off to bed I went...at least until the kids needed to get picked up early from school for their dentist appointment, after which we barely made it to swimming by the skin of our teeth and then rushed home to fix leftovers for dinner so that I could run back out for a meeting at school. I got home at 9:30 pm. For the life of me, I can't understand why I don't feel rested?!?!?!?! Today was pretty much more of the same, however, my fever is gone so I am feeling a little better, just a little worn out. I had another meeting at the school scheduled for tonight but just found out it is cancelled (dancing on top of my desk as I type).

If Killing a Puppy Is That Easy...

Can you imagine what this man/soldier will do/has done to the Iraqi people during a time when he is supposed to be helping the Iraqis achieve stability and security? Is this what we are calling our renewed effort to reduce the violence? Is this how we help the Iraqis defend and govern themselves?

Apparently this soldier was recently married in 2008...to his wife I say, "run for the hills." Honey if you don't think you are next, think again. He would throw your ass over that cliff as soon as you gained an extra five pounds. You've married a winner. His mother must be so proud.

How much of this man's insanity and torturous ways are a result of how he grew up and how much is the result of what he has seen in war? Who knows? But he needs to come home right now to minimize the damage he is personally going to cause. Unfortunately, he is serving next to courageous, intelligent, compassionate soldiers who won't kick his ass.

I've listed some links to the video in case it doesn't work...althoug I think they all link to youtube so maybe it doesn't help. I imagine they've been put up and taken down several times so I will list a few just in case.

You can be a puppy killer in the military (just as long as you are not gay right?)


http://view.break.com/463231 - Watch more free videos

http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/43462/9fb16ab3/us_soldaat_gooit_puppy.html

http://aspcacommunity.ning.com/video/video/show?id=658300:Video:200190

http://my.break.com/content/view.aspx?ContentID=463231

http://www.belowtopsecret.com/forum/thread338873/pg1

Derrick For Vice President! - I Love This Kid!

First Video - Reporter does a little mental racial stereotyping and heads for Derrick...ahhh, but he was no match for Derrick Ashong! Elise click here if you can't see the video (ha ha).




Second Video - Derrick's response to the hype his first video was getting. Elise, ckick here if you can't see the video.



Third Video - Derrick's Open Mic Challenge Has Just Started on Youtube. For more information, go to Take Back The Mic. And of course, if the video doesn't load...click here if you can't see the video.

Free Speech and The Freedom to Write About the Dumbasses Who Use The First Amendment to Bore Us to Tears

Max Karson, the crappy non-news journalist who writes for The Campus Press at The University of Colorado has done it again. Being out of the limelight for too many days, he knew he must stir up some controversy…I can almost hear him screaming “hey everybody, look at me, look at me.” What a frickin baby!

Yes, we bloggers love the first amendment…as do journalists. But hopefully, when we write, there is some intent behind what we say. That’s the one thing I can’t ever find in Max Karson…intent…something of value…worthy of my eyes and ears.

For those who haven’t followed the stories, Max Karson is an editor at The Campus Press who can’t seem to keep his mouth shut for five minutes. Hey, all fine and dandy if I gave a crap about what he has to say right?

I think this boy was picked on one too many times in grade school. Here are some of the damaging opinions and statements he makes about the Asian community at CU in a recent article that some dismiss as “satire”

"If It's The War The Asians Want, It's The War They'll Get."

"Now I know that Asians are not just 'a product of their environment' and their rudeness is not a 'cultural misunderstanding.' They hate us all. And I say it's time we started hating them back. That's right -- no more 'tolerance.' No more 'cultural sensitivity.' No more 'Mr. Pretend-I'm-Not-Racist.' It's time for war."

He then goes on to describe in detail, a plan for Asian Reformation that is anything but satire yet screams hate and prejudice.

Karson is the same student who had been arrested and suspended from school after allegedly making comments that sounded sympathetic to the Virginia Tech gunman last year. CU police Commander Brad Wiesley said Karson made comments about understanding how someone could kill 32 people during a class he was attending. Karson said he was "angry about all kinds of things, from the fluorescent light bulbs to the unpainted walls, and it made him angry enough to kill people," multiple witnesses told police, according to a police report. Another CU student told reported that Karson said, "Anybody who walks around here and says that they don't think about killing 32 people is lying."

Um NO….People don’t walk around thinking or needing to kill 32 people Max unless they have serious mental issues.

In summary, satire is just not Max’s genre. The sooner he realizes it, the sooner we can all get back to the real news…you know, The K-fed vs. Britney saga?

Cool Words - A 4x4 Meme

Poetikat tagged me for a 4x4 meme. I ended up changing the rules a bit and well, here it is...words that are cool, four at a time!

Favorite Words – 4x4

People with Cool Names
Elvis
Joey Buttafucco
Immaculee Ilibageeza
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Cool Words that Describe Feeling
Antagonistic
Nonplussed
Melancholy
Sabotaged

Places with Cool Names
Galapagos
Rancho Cucamonga
Saskatchewan
Wagga Wagga

Words that Feel Cool in Your Mouth
Ubiquitous
Acquiesce
Quintessential
Soliloquy

So Much To Satirize...So Little Jon

I wish Jon Stewart could just follow the candidates around at the debates and make follow up comments after they and the media speak. Wouldn't it just make everything more bearable?

My Burrito's Too Bootylicious For Ya Babe!

Yesterday Mark and I had planned to go to the garden and home show in Denver. But plans changed and oldest child is out of town so younger child and I decided to hop on over to the new burrito place for a late lunch. The new burrito place, which shall remain nameless for now, has only been open for 2 days. Here's what's on the menu at the burrito place.

1. baby burrito
2. mama burrito
3. big daddy burrito
4. chips

I order the bay leaf chicken burrito and ask for lots of hot salsa since the chicken contains no spice whatsoever. As the confused burrito chick, who, by the way, has clearly spent an inconsequential amount of time bathing this week, concentrates on making my burrito, I see the look of confusion switch to horror as she places what we are calling "chicken" on my tortilla. Now the look on my face is starting to match the look on her face. And what happened next is no laughing matter. What happened next is the reason I have spent the better part of the last 25 years having to talk myself into being a meat eater. What happened next is

Burrito chick: (yelling to the manager in that "fire, fire" voice) Steve!!!!!!! Come here!

Steve the manager: This is where I would insert Steve's brilliant comment, except he never came running when she yelled for him.

Me: (oh dear God just finish the burrito already and quit playing with it)

Burrito chick: (leaves burrito station and runs to the back room, then returns with a new happier look on her face and plucks two chunky things off my burrito and tosses them in the trash.) Then says "what else would you like on your burrito today?"

Me: Um....okay...no...um...I'm sorry...what...um....yeah...what did you just throw away?

Burrito chick: (in a really pleasant I just wiped my butt with your burrito voice) Oh, thaaaaat? Oh that was just a tail. (silly me right?)

Me: Oh, just a tail? Okay...um...yeah...right...who's tail?

Burrito chick: The chicken's tail. (silly me again) Sometimes the whole back end gets chopped up in there on accident. (oopsy daisy) Did you want me to start over with a fresh tortilla?

Me: WTF????????????????
Me: WTF????????????????
Me: WTF????????????????

Me: Um...yes...yeeeaaaahhhh...start over would ya...oh and let's go for the other chicken...the one over there...it looks like the tail is much more ground up in that one.

Burrito chick: Ooohhh, good idea (in the "anything for the customer" voice)

Now, while this is happening, the girl in line behind me, horrified as well, has her "anything but the chicken" burrito planned out. But then she lets her mom order the "tail" special!!!! Some daughter!

Now, I know what you are thinking...why didn't I leave and go to Subway? I guess I just didn't have the heart to tell my daughter the truth and so we enjoyed our bootylicious burritos and left.

Interrupted

An alphabet poem

Awakened.
Blood curdling sounds.
Choking on life.
Death interrupted.
Evocative hopelessness.
Failed mortality.
Gasping for air.
Horrific reality.
Immobilized by fear.
Judicious plan gone wrong.
Killing this dash proves difficult.
Linger in the pain.
Moments of clarity.
Needle my plan.
Opening the wounds.
Poking fun at my heart that still beats.
Questions still unanswered.
Retry!
Step into the darkness once again.
Tailor the plan to perfection.
Undertaker waits patiently.
Virulent means embraced.
Welcome to the soiree.
Xanthous flesh turns pale.
Yore seems the days I escape.
Zip code change request finally granted.

©2008-Michelle Hix

No Flippin Way! - - - Warning...Men...Don't Even Attempt To Read This Post

According to my Health Magazine that I am reading right now, and according to Biotech researchers at Arizona-based Medistem Laboratories, menstrual blood contains adult stem cells that could potentially be used to treat disease. They say that you now have the option to bank your blood in a deep freeze...just like they do with the umbilical cord storage. While this is fundamentally a really cool idea, I think I'll hold off on jumping into that one. But shall my readers be interested in making a deposit, you can find more info at http://www.celle.com/.

Speaking of blood...in a couple of months I am going to switch over from donating whole blood to an automated donation process where they remove your blood, separate and take the plasma/platelets that they need and replace what they don't back in your body through the iv. It's often a long process depending on your blood count (2 hours) but mine seems to be on the high side so Bonfils tells me it might only take me about 70-85 minutes. If I understand the process correctly, since they are not taking the whole blood then you can donate it every two weeks instead of every 56 days. Donating through the automated process is obviously more time consuming for people but it is crucial for cancer patients recipients.

Want To Do Something Totally Romantic For Your Spouse???

Tomorrow, Wednesday February 20th, there is going to be a total lunar eclipse! Why not pick up a bottle of your favorite wine on your way home from work and be prepared to watch the fantastic colors of the eclipse with your man/gal (yes, I'm easily pleased). For my friends in South Africa, I think your eclipse is visible Thursday.

(Times listed in MST)

When: 6:43-10:09 p.m. with total eclipse starting at 8:01 and lasting about 50 minutes

Maximum Eclipse Beauty is around 8:26
Partial Phase Begins at 6:43 pm
Total Phase Begins at 8:01 pm
Total Phase Ends at 8:51 pm
Partial Phase Ends at 10:09 pm

Isn't that just the most romantic thing you can do on a Wednesday night? It will be so amazing! It is so cool right at that point of the total eclipse when the sun starts to ooze out around the earth to get a peek at the moon.

Oh, and also cool will be Saturn which is going to be real close to the moon and I think we will be able to see the rings. Is that neat or what? I'm serious...this is cool...I mean, maybe its the two glasses of wine I've had this evening...but I don't think so...I think its just the fact that I'm a lunatic. Get it?... Lunatic? ha ha